A laugh
for crying out loud
will giggle me down,
back to where I dangle
from convulsed fingernails
off the last cold rung
to a desperate subway.
Ah! Such security
allows time to sip
wayward chuckles
from a brown bag,
to inhale philosophy
from zig-zag papers,
to glance off
jaundiced gazes
that focus on now
as if it were always,
to seek sustenance
from candy wrappers
also discarded,
to this end without point
to this point without end.
Author notes
free verse, "people on the streets have all seen better times". What are you seeing.
A contest entry
- and the orchestra plays on by swampbird.
750 points, ended May 30, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything your heart desires, prewrites, new, everything! by wendymolly.
555 points, ended July 27, 2008, 41 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 130 titles by Midnight-x-Rose.
525 points, ended August 21, 2008, 40 entries
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1500 points, ended September 1, 2008, 48 entries
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suggestions on rhythm, word choice,allusion,anyway to improve.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Very deep. This is a poem that makes you really think. I like how you ended with those lines.
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There are countless layers to this body of work you've written poet. Your words allow me to clearly see "the streets" you speak of. They exist even if in our minds there is the suggestion of invisibility. A very clever writ. I love the imagery, the fact that I can see "candy wrappers' blowing in the wind after reading this poem makes it most affective. An excellent visual work of words. Thanks for this entry and I wish you the best in the challenge.
I do need for you to add your screen name to the author's notes so that I know you are on my Favorites List.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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ahh this has many a meaning.
sometimes, it hurts more to know what you're missing than to never have had it at all and to wonder how it feels. -
very remarkable! original and real. I loved reading through a few times after the first, and that is when I know I
a well written poem!!!!
Your a contest finalist! take care always,
~pithyAplomB. -
fantastic wordplay, especially in the ending lines. the imagery was also potent and striking, which I like, because it makes me think.
it's interesting, the fact that the theme is somewhat sad and darker yet you have so many paradoxical references to laughter. thanks for entering! -
Sounds like a case of alcoholism or am I reading it wrong, anyway you conveyed a sense of waiting for doom and all that goes with it.
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Hi celadia, I can see where you could get that impression,
however it is mainly about the consequence of isoaltion and loneliness. People who want and need help but arn't able to ask so go to what is avaible to them for comfort, in their particular circumstance. Sort of feeding the hunger and starving the need. I guess that is what any compulsion is about. As the title suggests the situation is the bottom of a bounce, "the people on the steets have all seen better times". Things pass. Thanks for your comment, when I rework this poem I shall try to make my intent more clear.
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A lost soul looks furtively to someone better-off, possibly seeking help. Rejected and scoffed at, he/she considers giving up and reverting to the familiar. Surrounding and enveloping substance abuse seems at once a hopeless comfort and a form of refuge. Hunger and cynical subsistence beckon with a grin.
A sense of almost comforting invisibility is lent by these lines:
to glance off
jaundiced gazes
that focus on now
as if it were always,
The last lines are so telling:
to this end without point
to this point without end.
What a powerful write!!! Original and haunting. I love it
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Hi James1.19Just want to thank for your
usual insightful comment. Reminds me that whatever one writes or says he is telling on himself as a subcontext. What you tell is of a sincere, modest, sensitive person who knows quiet bit about poetry, that's why it is always a pleasure to hear from you. I live in Cambridge, MA actually on the grounds of Harvard U. Every day I walk past the people on the streets that live in the subway station and listen to their conversations. It is sad espically in the shadow of among the richest, most educated, least caring people in the world. For many I tried to convey what their situation feels like, day in day out. Probably arrogent of me, but I keep thinking of the song lyric:" the people on the streets have all seen better times". Off now to try and do a just comment to your latest piece of verbal art. cheers
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