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Mirror

I look at myself in the mirror
I don't like what I see
The guilt I have inside
And what you've made of me

I am nothing but damaged goods
That's all I will ever be
The guilt is eating away my insides
This is what you've made of me

I look at myself in the mirror
Wanting nothing more then to be free
To push the guilt aside
Be no longer what you've made of me

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 27 of 27

  • LullabyOfADeadMan
    October 17

    Edit | Reply
    We all can wish. I like this write and how you made it flow. Thank you for the entry and allowing me a chance to read this. Good luck.

    Tay Christine.


  • T.o.r.t.u.r.e. gold member
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    I am nothing but damaged goods
    That's all I will ever be
    The guilt is eating away my insides
    This is what you've made of me

    great message thank tou for entering and good luck in the contest


  • fatizeh
    August 7

    Edit | Reply
    though this is a short simple piece,i find it absolutely amazing.it sends a great message,shows true emotions.somewhere it shows a helpless person who seems to have given up and is miserable, full of guilt..and then it turns around and shows a person who hopes to get out of it all.truly strong.love it


  • Rick Weston silver member
    August 6
    Edit | Reply
    very nicely written poem her, with such a rendering of the heart personal. good work.


  • Not-The-Sun gold member
    August 4

    Edit | Reply

    terrific

    Although some people might find this entry quite average, I find it compelling The beginning opens up with straight out honesty, something hard to admit to yourself and to others. There are usually like 4 or 5 steps to acceptance and getting over things, denial, anger, guilt, depression, and acceptance. ( I know this theory is for getting over a loss of someone you care about but you show subtle hints at the stages in here) This poem shows how you have changed and grown from experience. At first, anger and guilt. then you deny any chance at being able to change, but instead of "and what you've made of me" it has become "This is what you've made of me", because you realized that you can change who you are, and you realized that something/one else has hurt you. In the last stanza you desire the change, push away guilt and are determined to set upon a new journey with your footprints.

    Great write. although many of the words are repeated, it works well and sends a lovely, strong message across to many people who can relate.


  • Antebellum
    August 1
    Edit | Reply
    So much honesty here.
    thank you for taking the time to enter.
    The rhyme you have going is flawless.
    good luck.


  • HereComesTheSun
    August 1

    Edit | Reply
    this really hits close to home for me and you did a great job showing this emotion off in the form of poetry.
    thanks for entering :]


  • Unbreakable3
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    This is intrsting, I think that the topic is good and the potential is good, but the poem is only average. There is nothign special about it. If there was one line that really stood out even just that it would be much better! Thanks for entering though!


  • Leance
    July 13

    Edit | Reply
    Aww, this is very sad. The image that appears before us in the mirror is always the absolute worst critic we will ever find. We dwell on all of our flaws and errors, constantly beating ourselves up. It takes an enormous amount of courage and support to rid oneself of those images. Nicely captured. Thank you for entering the contest and best of luck.
    Leance L


  • cybilseyes silver member
    July 5
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for your entry I really love your style!
    best of luck!
    xo
    Cyb

  • XxLoverOfDarknessxX
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    i really enjoyed reading this piece. it had such a true honesty in it, and your words were deep and amazing. keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!


  • azlyn gold member
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    Such deeply honest and brave words...I often feel this way.

    Thank you for the entry~


  • stephilou
    August 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Really good job. Good use of repetition


  • Stripes
    August 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Strong words. Thank you for sharing.


  • InMyFlames
    July 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Be no longer what you've made of me

    i can really relate to this line, great poem!
    well done and thanks for entering


  • PoeticLion
    July 5, 2008
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    Incredible!

    I'm at a lost for words....It's so Compelling!

  • piccola silver member
    July 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    congrats on the gold...I enjoyed the rhyme and repepetition


  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow i like this. its very well written. my favorite part was whe you said "I am nothing but damaged goods
    That's all I will ever be
    The guilt is eating away my insides
    This is what you've made of me" thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.

    ..<3..

    Shelly


  • candyhamilton
    June 28, 2008

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    short but to the point i think every one feels like this at one pioint in there life or another - when you can get it without many words there is atalent


  • A-Daisy-Among-Roses
    June 22, 2008
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    The way you described your guilt is amazing. I like your flow and style. This is a good piece.


  • Blooming Poet
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This a comment from me for both of my contests you entered. I really enjoyed your point of view in this poem.


  • rhyana
    May 27, 2008

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    this'll speak heavily to people who've been in your shoes.

    i think the concluding line could be worded more strongly. feels like there are too many filler words that don't add to the impact. you look like you're trying to keep the repetition going but you might be better served by phrasing it for emotional impact instead. just an opinion tho.

    thanks for entering.


  • XHollowXEyesX
    May 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is such an emotional write. it brought tears to my eyes as I can relate to it so much. keeping it short as you have done makes it have so much more impact. wow. cant believe you have got more comments.

    All the best
    ~Hollow~


  • lovexinxcoldxblood
    May 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i love it


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    May 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It definitely had a melancholic tone to it, though I don't think it had the 'spark' I was looking for. I found it to be more sad than dark, and it didn't really eat at my soul the way I'd been hoping. But you obviously won the gold in the other contest for a reason, so the ball is in your court. You may keep this here, or enter something else before the closing date. Either way, a solid attempt, and good luck.

    Laura


  • Punkette
    May 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    good write. thanks for the entry.


  • FlipperSwitch
    May 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the repetition of the last line in each stanza. There is no question what you are saying, nice. Thank you for entering.

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