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doppelganger

reflections from the window pane
i see your face 
your alter ego cast out just for me
staring intently out at everyone but
isolated i remain wondering what is happening
despondent and sitting alone but not by myself
watching the charade play out upon the stage
of misappropriated lovers or so i believe
but knowing deep in my soul
that the truth is prevalent
palpable upon my palate
so sour a tear appears upon my eye and
dims like the distant memory of what
was once there but never will return
lost
like me
faded and reduced to something
that is not recognizable
unintelligible leaving
despair in its wake

Author notes

daftanddreary

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • dustytiger
    November 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    what a great poem, i really enjoyed it, best of luck in the contest


  • Random Goldfish gold member
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is quite phenomenal. (can't spell that work, eek!) The imagery in the beginning is powerful and I find it very haunting. Excellect work.

    Thanks for entering!
    Síochán leat
    ~Mairéad~



  • SabbyLou
    July 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very deep good write ...x


  • FlipperSwitch
    July 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed your wording and the emotion is somber as it should be, I feel, for this piece. However, I also feel as though you could make it even better with appropriate punctuation.


  • Luckintheshadows
    July 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    simply divine. I love the imagery, the flow of your poem, it gets a little difficult without the punctuation, but, since I seldom use much punctuation in my own writing, I have no problem....lol...GREAT WRITE!!!

    Thanks so much for sharing this, and for taking the time to enter my contest,

    Luck.


  • Mistress Masquerade
    July 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The way you used the words, and which ones you decided to use really give this poem all it has, you could have used others that meant the same but because you didn't it was just beautiful. Thank you for entering and good luck!


  • City-of-Angels
    July 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wow..

    Very very beautiful words. I'm in awe right now this poem is great. Most of the time I'll point out a favorite line in the poem but I can honestly say I liked every line of this. Thanks so much for entering this its great. Good luck!


  • sherrilyn1999
    June 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I don't believe I'm a punctuation nazi--I like things that take a creative bent to structure and rules, but because you have no punctuation, the poem becomes layers and layers of images: which is fine, if that's the experience you want your readers to have. The result requires several readings to negotiate meaning so that the reader can understand. My favorite line is (with my suggestion)
    "So sour, a tear apperas
    upon my eye and dims
    like the distant memory
    of what was once there,
    but never will return."
    Purely suggestion, since it is apparent that many like and appreciate what you do (hence the gold-congrats, by the way)


  • sailor ptolema
    May 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this! My fave line:"despondent and sitting alone but not by myself" !!
    congrats on gold!!!


  • islekine gold member
    May 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I will critique later...for now...

    welcome to All Poetry!!
    Thanks for entering.
    Write on!
    *PEACE*

1 - 10 of 10