They speak of winter’s withered hands
and how the earth looks aged
and of spring's youthfulness
for that’s how seasons are gauged.
For me, the best time of the year
is the warmth of summertime.
The earth’s still young but maturing;
It’s in its seasonal prime.
Gone are the grey clouds that bring rain
instead the skies are blue.
The sun prolongs its daily flight;
the nights are warmer too.
Fireflies grace each night
with their mysterious dance.
Lovers sit beneath the stars
and discover anew romance.
Busy days - each bee and bird
make music as they fly
and the earth provides the harmony
as the lengthening days go by.
Too soon, the summer fades away
though it will come again.
It leaves us with a lasting warmth
in the memories that remain.
Author notes
Hmmm I don't know that I've improved much but my bad rhymes come easier now (LOL).
Prompt: Rhyme
Picture Credit: http://jamma.deviantart.com/art/Summer-in-Finland-55215395
A contest entry
- Dalaney's Rhyme part 1 Summertime by cricketjeff.
650 points, ended May 12, 9 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Comments Always Welcome
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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The rhyming is certainly not bad, in my accent Romance and dance don't rhyme well but in many accents they do, so that's fine.
Where you will need to work is on your flow, try to work for a regular pattern of syllable numbers in each line, and look to match the stresses in each line too. Either of the judges will be happy to go through your poem with you.
Good piece!
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Thank you Jeff... Yes, I've been working on that a bit.. did a Heroic Couplet (iambic) but it's not as easy as it would seem (LOL). I know the flow would be much improved by getting a close meter count in each line but sometimes I run out of alternative words... I think I need a bigger vocabulary (LOL). Would love to see what could be done with this, however, when someone gets the time...
Thanks...
Ken
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The rhyming is certainly not bad, in my accent Romance and dance don't rhyme well but in many accents they do, so that's fine.
Where you will need to work is on your flow, try to work for a regular pattern of syllable numbers in each line, and look to match the stresses in each line too. Either of the judges will be happy to go through your poem with you.
Good piece!
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Oh this isn't bad rhyme at all! It's lovely! I love winter strangely enough... but can see why others like summer...
Very lovely write
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First of all, you make rhyming sound good, and secondly, very nice write. Great imagery, *sigh* I love summer.
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This was like a warm summers night to me, and helped me to recall being a child. I especially liked:
Fireflies grace each night
with their mysterious dance.
Lovers sit beneath the stars
and discover anew romance.
I wrote a poem about the romance of fireflies.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/718266
Well done, poet.
Cheryl
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Another awesome write!!! But then again, all your poems are. Keep it up young man!!
Linda
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