i remember that one time
in the future
u were watching me bleed...
my insides were turning into some weird flooded swamp
and crimson was dripping,thick,from my eyes and ears...
then u cried
one single tear
and it crashed on the pavement
with the sound of a bursting thunderbolt !
or a piano thrown from a very high place...
-a cloud let's say-
it was then that i knew
in that teardrop lived the universe
?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Very well… it’s expressive.
What’s it expressing? Your desire of someone’s genuine care? Is that why you’re ‘remembering’ what’s happened in the ‘future’? Or do you want to experience ppl's reaction after you've left the world while you're still in it?
I wonder…
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oh nice just nice nothing more
your words have pennned a masterpiece i like the words of nature thunder universe and the aliteration of thunder thrown teardrop
you just have to enter this in a conteste you'll get a gold EASILY
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i read it yet again today, and yet again i don't get it.
i still don't get how or why you combined all these things together, as i said yesterday night.
but i'm sure of one thing though, there's a universe in every drop of water, not only this particular teardrop and not only this universe.
Elie
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WoW!!!
I just LOVE this piece! the title caught my interest, and the flow kept my interest...what a talent presented here, and your beginning is captivating..it kept me from beginning to end and I commend u for a wonderful journey you've taken me on...keep writing!
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Love the contradiction in the first stanza. It really latches on to the readers attention. Trippy existential work that challenges the imagination. Excellent work
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i like the 1 single tear part, its really unusual and a phrase u dont hear a lot
i can see how being really sad would make ur tears really strong but i dont get y its an oracle except for maybe bc its in the future? but i think maybe u can rename the poem.
also its cool how u say "in that teardrop lived the universe" bc its like, whoa, in the sadness of love lies EVERYTHING, which i definitely feel in my personal experience, so this really speaks ot me.
good work, and god bless. -
this is meaningfull but a lil too short hehe but nice write last lines the strongest
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I can't get enough of this poem <3
Very well done :]
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it was then that i knew
in that teardrop lived the universe
amazing!!!!
Life can be found in different and strange places...
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Amazing..
I don't think anyone can do that to me.. get into my brain like that and fill it up with images that flow flawlessly, just by the use of words..
I love the way you do that..
A truly artistic piece that captured every part of me..
Mind-blowing...
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am tryin to explain what i felt after readin this but,
its like forcing my senses to capture the existence of smthg that i know it here yet its not, (i dont know if i made any sense, but that what u did to me serge,)
just Amazing, and as others said, PERRRRRRRRRRRRfect .
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my oh my that was beautiful!!!!!
you took me again on a trip... i could see, hear, and feel every single thing... captivating from the first word till the last... Loved it =)
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omg sergee .. ive read this like 5 times in a row .. nd still didnt get enough of it .. its one of those things that i like readin nd diggin to get the rite msg or at least the msg behind it all .. u knw, the image ..
i ultimately loved it !!! u hv no idea !!
me
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oh my god serge! the image of the tear dropping, the sound of it, u drew it so well with ur words..
this is probably one of the greatest images i'v ever read in a poem..
and i totally agree with nour, it nt only wonderful.. its totally perfect.. it cdt b more perfect actually
u utterly amaze me once again
~rana~
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wonderful closure..
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