In dreams we connect, not yet we rejoice,
my words of despair come slow from your voice.
The nights growing warm, the days growing colder,
and fights with the clock give me the cold shoulder.
Struggling, Gasping, I drown underneath you.
Your hand held me slightly above the deep blue.
Surrounded by liquid, I linger above
all of the things that we never speak of.
I once stood on your sweet words of grace,
I took in that moment, and filled empty space.
But now that moment's been floating away,
much further from me every day...
The potent impact took over right here,
holding me captive, and all that I fear.
There's nowhere to go, I can't run and hide,
there's no one to guide me and stay by my side.
Won't you let me light your way?
May I illuminate your day?
Can you please just hear my call,
And catch me now, 'cause I might fall?
Won't you let me light your way,
And help illuminate your day?
I'll breathe you in and beg to break---
and I will be your best mistake.
Author notes
May 10, 2008... This poem was inspired by the In Flames song "Evil in a Closet." It's probably one of the saddest songs I've ever heard but it's so beautiful that it inspired me.
A contest entry
- Music (rare) Crazy Good taste required!! by takemypainaway.
450 points, ended June 4, 2008, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CONTEST: Looking for poems, That will make me say: OMG! This is awesome! 810 points by echo-ink.
600 points, ended July 15, 2008, 58 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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i love it, especially the last verse. Thanks for entering and GOOD LUCK!!!
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I love song inspired poems - its like taking an artistic piece and giving it even a more personal turn. You did great on this piece I enjoyed reading it and left a smile on my face and an extra thump in my heart.
Thanks for entering! -
There is a lot of caring in this poem it felt as thought the waves of the words were rocking back and forth
Thank you for entering
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I thought this was fantastic, i love rhyme, this was really good. good luck in the contest.
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Ohhh, wow. Wow, wow, wow. This captivated me from the very first line. I looked up the lyrics to that song, and they were just so moving and incredibly sad. You did an incredible job portraying that song and putting it into your own words. Wonderful. I especially loved:
"Won't you let me light your way?
May I illuminate your day?
Can you please just hear my call,
And catch me now, 'cause I might fall?"
Beautiful. Thanks for entering & best of luck to you!!! ♥
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Amazing
Wow this was very well written and i loved to flow of the words. I could picture everything in my head as i read. My favorite part is when you said "I'll breathe you in and beg to break And I will be your best mistake" that was worded so well. Thanks for entering my contest. I wish you the best of luck.
..<3..
Shelly -
Good write in imagery. Best to you in the contest.
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Very good write here
A good poem keep up the good work here
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nice work
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awwww....i love this poem!!!! its soooo good! i especially love the last line
" And I will be your best mistake"
ahhh.....it is really good ♥♥♥♥
Good Luck in the contest! -
Is this about rape cuz its kinda wat it sounds like but it is really amazing it made me think a lot.
Ashley
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No, this is not about rape. If you read the author's notes it says it's inspired by a song
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AutumnsFlame
This is very good.
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wow
great write. ...I was gonna say, it reminded me of a song or somethin' familiar... good work.
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I love this poem. It reminds me of a crush I have presently. My favorite line was:
"I once stood on your sweet words of grace
I took in that moment, and filled empty space"
It took my breath away.
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AutumnsFlame
Well thought out and put just where it's needed
"The potent impact took over right here
Holding me captive, and all that I fear"
I can so relate to this
Keept he faith and I know you'll keep on writting
Wind Walker
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WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
great write keep up the great write. -
beautiful
"i will be your best mistake" great ending line, this is a well written poem. great work
i really enjoyed reading this
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Awesome.
Lovely poem,
Amazing detail,
I like the way you word things.
Thanks for sharing, enjoyed reading it x
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This is a very well written poem I love how you repeat some very strongly worded lines "I'll breathe you in and beg to break and I will be your best mistake" I love it.
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TKO
This write rocks, your words are so well put. The feelings in this write, I have no words. great Job
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very nice poem, i like how it was written keep up the good work
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Very nice. A nice flow to it. Good luck in the contest!!!^^
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well done !
this poem flows beautifully =]
good write congrats !!
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good
this is a good piece of work
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awsome tis poeam was great
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this was beautiful and dark. like a vampire. it flowed amazingly well. great job. and good luck in the contest.
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Wonderful. The flow was flawless! Just an amazing write! Beautifully dark!
Congrats on the great write! -
beuatiful...a stunning write that left me breathless and i was well rounded.
Kudos,
Hidden
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Great poem, you have a great sense of rhyme. Keep up the good work!
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LOVED IT!!!!
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WOW!
this is absolutely amazing! you should definately continue writing! this is great!
xxAbbyxx
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it was good..
i really liked the concept.. -
Excellent flow and rhyme. What a dark and beautiful write and so full of emotion. I love the last line. Such good work.
Good luck in the contest.
Garrison
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wow
love the dark..and your ryme and flow are excellent..a little bumpy in places but that is minor..your first and third verses are spectacular..love the first 2 lines of your second verse..with some minor editing this could be fantastic..thanx so much for sharing..best of luck in the contest..namaste..
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love it
amazing, love..
One of my favs. on this site
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"And I will be your best mistake"
What a powerful line! I love it! Makes me think of one, that I feel that way about
Best of luck in this contest!
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that was so beautiful, and yet sad
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really well written!!!!!
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"And I will be your best mistake"
ohhh i just love that line ^^ so muchhh!!
wow this was amazing.. thanks for sharing!
so emotional and deep.. just wow(:
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tasty
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wow, its hard to find words o express what a beautiful poem u have created.
It is so touching and inspirational in itself.
Great peace of poetry, keep up the good work
tke care
chardonnay x
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