The Bible remains
in its drawer by the bed
no need
for the Good Word
tonight.
She twists
her tongue
around his dark mood -
it smells
of
balsamic vinegar
and lemon
and cries
between his thighs
when she
thinks about Jesus
waiting out
in
the hallway...
In a list
A contest entry
- Woman in a motel by AJ Morelli.
2000 points, ended May 27, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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*****
... terse, like the event described ... jesus and the bible instead of intimacy and sentiment ... powerful, my view -
love the third stanza and the detail of the fourth... not sure of the meaning of the title but if the encounter only took ten minutes i can understand the crying...
at least jesus didn't have to wait too long.
i might have ended this with a period instead, it seems complete as it is...
strong entry, thanks so much for taking the time...
al
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amazing.
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this is fantastic. Really really good imagery and meaning. I'm new and this is the best thing I've read here yet.
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This is intense... I love it! Excellent job. I love that line, "She twists her tongue around his dark mood" Pure poetry...
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Slightly disturbing, but darkly delicious. You are in fine form, m'dear.
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night shades
when the forensic tests are given, who is qualified to pass, fail or run screaming? 10 minutes more and switches in DNA can trade places with a finite sense of sensuality. no holes to plug here, just a slight crease of tension for snapping...unheard of. ~ EZB
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Oh, so deliciously bad; 'She twists
her tongue
around his dark mood' So good. The first stanza said it all. Well written hon, and so very sad.
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Ten minutes is just not long enough,lol
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awww yes! My bitch is back!!!
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Oh my - every entrant I have read in this AJ fest to date has brought their full game and some.
This is no exception. The contrast you draw here, between redemption and loss, between mind and flesh, is so very profoundly done.
Love this hun.
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The image of the Gideon Bible crops up again and again in story-telling and poetry... In a very few words, k-c, you give us a story, and a personality. In the personality you show faith and lust at war, with guilt the only winner. Extraordinary work.
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Wow! This is intense and too real, man! I'm so glad you're back. Great work!!!
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This poem gave me some conflicted feelings, which means that it is very well written. Not afraid to write about tough stuff, are you?
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Powerful write, Lane. The ending was especially powerful. It made me think of regrets and of how people may do some things that after some time has passed they might wish they hadn't done. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest.
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Oh so powerful and dark Lanie . . . it is so good to have you back . . . I have missed reading your work and saying in a whisper WOW!!!!! Will be back for much, much more . . . peace, Marc
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"
smells
of
balsamic vinegar
and lemon"
Hmmn...interesting write...most so-
reminds me of the daughter of a Southern Baptist Minister I dated in east Texas 34 some years back.
Save for the fact in her case it wasn't a motel, but the walk in closet in her bedroom.
some real coming to Jesus moments-
or was that movements?
And now, at my age...I'm simply jealous-
any other statement would be-
a lie-
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You have me gripped from the first word to the last. Wonderful poem.
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She didn't know about wipees? They are cheap and fit in a purse.
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She didn't know about wipees? Tey are cheap and fit in a purse.
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So visual, felt it and loved it...
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Oh my goodness! Talk about powerful imagery! I did figure it out though. It's all good because they're married.
Love,
Amera♥ -
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bet Me Cubbie
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rich images. i like the overripe wine, something to soak a cloth in and place on the point of a spear, the soured fruit of the garden after the fall, and the soundless footfall at the door, the knocking that you cannot hear. thank you for your poem. -silverfish
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A very piteous scene
of low self esteem,
reeks of cheap
and conscious creep.
I can envision this well because it's well written Lane.
Love,
Paul
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There's something quite confusing and disturbing about this piece, because you get the feeling of something who's gotten too far out of bounds. You build it up very well, and I love that there's not certainty. We don't really know anything for sure, so we're only left with sympathy for the woman in the motel.
A very thoughtprovoking piece. I love that!
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You made this very dark indeed, but the hope always is there-waiting...Tears...healing crystals of hope...Love this one...Peace, Rhonda
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A remorseful lady of the evening? This rather creeps me out; I’m on my spiritual kick again I think. As always though Lane, I enjoyed, and best of luck in the contest dear.
Love and peace always,
mj.
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Wow!
That one kinda slipped up on me. Excellently constructed. ~Peace~Gar
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Whew!
Oh my, I see you are in true form today. Love the scent of balsamic vinegar! Great creation, best of luck in the contest.
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mmmmm
The smell of a mood, as she sighs for her soul. You make me think of the world in a different order ...
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