Hurried, came stumbling
into small steps towards setting sun
and the moon was distant witness
to phases of a heart;
hoped no one would notice
my adoring eyes fixed
upon silvered skies
and glows that lit dark corners,
where most patient wishes
tapped toes
and reached out eagerly
to briefest hints of passing shadows;
I kissed a newborn at a funeral
and marveled at Life
always so near the doors.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Near flawless poem. Ending was absolutely fantastic. You could do more editing in the general earlier parts of the poem, however, just for some better chosen words.
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If it said ...
the setting sun and the moon it would be perfect.
As it is, it's not bad.
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Great job! This was a beautiful poem. So full of imagery and wonder.
It made me feel a certain way, capturing emotion in words is truly a talent. Yes, i agree with the others, it was ended perfectly.
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polar
...so full of polarity...
"where most patient wishes
tapped toes"
Nice indeed - "distant witness
to phases of a heart"
Wonderful poem
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"I kissed a newborn at a funeral
and marveled at Life
always so near the doors."
Wow.
That is so beautiful!
And so true!
Keep writing!
Shelly
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Amazingpoem. Once again, it reminds me of the fragility of life. You ended it perfectly, I must say.
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It's when new life and death are seeing so close, that we realize how precious all the moments in life are.
You have such a wonderful connection with words...
Here I leave you a hug, just because
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well i actually met a newborn ...my newest nephew just this way; and he was gorgeous...will be a real heartbreaker one day...thank you Mari...h
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Excellent. Write on.
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Hey Bud...thanks for the visit, and wonderful words...PK
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"I kissed a newborn at a funeral and marveled at Life"
Beautiful lines to conclude a beautiful write.
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A geat write, you exppress very well with your words and form. I enjoyed the poem very much and look forward to reading more of your work.
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Beautiful, truly.
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This is really incredible!
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"moon was distant witness
to phases of a heart;"
excellent...
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you should have put this in mine and darin's contest, it would have fitted perfectly... this is big love as the world turns on its axis...
beautimous stuff
G.x
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You've outdone yourself hon, this is perfect poetry.
Makes me think about how precious life really is. Thank you.
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