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Bittersweet

I love you in my house,
wrapping your arms
around my waist from behind
when I'm doing the dishes

In the dining room, with him
ranting at me about why I'm
not allowed to laugh

I couldn't give a fuck
because I glance at you
behind his shoulder; your
knowing smile and eyes
promising - when I call you
tomorrow, I will make this world

disappear - for a while

 

Your breath in my ear

makes me want to

lick the phone - 

sometimes I do

 

When we yawn at the same time

- which is often lately -

I can feel you right beside me

 

Tasting you is bittersweet

- double the bitter.....actually,

double the sweet too -

and I couldn't care less because

this desperate, aching, painful

longing, bastard wanting

is better than that feeling of

not feeling -

anything  

 

And you'd wrestle walruses for me

and I'd walk through swarms of flies for you

 

and so much more than that...

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

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Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
: no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • apples fell gold member
    June 20

    Edit | Reply

    I feel like this poem has spoken to me on an incredibly human level. The repetitions. The word choices. The imagery. And that ending! Damn. I am envious of that walrus bit and the swarms of flies. Genius. I'm not going to mention the "ing" words here as I think they add just enough to the poem. It doesn't feel over done. Especially in the context and the language of the poem. Very evocative. And that phone stanza...Perfect. The bit in italics felt strange, not the words themselves, just that it was in italics. I can't explain it, but I just don't usually like frills.

    Last one for the evening, love. But I'll be stopping in again when I am able. If you keep doing my poems though, you will run out. Unless you just can't get enough of the apple and must keep reading.

    Thank you for letting me get lost on your poem wall.



    ;


    • Lucy. gold member
      June 20

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! Glad you didn't worry about my 'ings' as this was another 'spill it, raw' write and I have to leave it as it came.

      The italics were because that part is meant to be someone else's voice - or imagined voice - and wasn't sure if that would come across without the use of them??

      Yeah, I love that phone stanza too *sigh*.
      Glad it felt 'incredibly human' to you, because it was.

      If you like the 'walrus' bit, find the original here...
      http://allpoetry.com/poem/4214285

      Thanks for taking so much time to read my stuff!

      • apples fell gold member
        June 20
        Edit | Reply

        Oddly I felt like it was coming from someone else's voice, but I'm not sure if it was the italics that lead me to that conclusion. Maybe you are just good or I was lucky. I will certianly check out that link soon.

        And thank you for writing stuff for me to read.

  • rhondasail
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    *sigh*...brave girl...very brave girl...Bravo!...Glad this won a bronze. You make longing something to be longed for in this verse, my dear.. Peace, Rhonda

  • Congratulations!

    This is such a directly written piece and I feel the 'wrapping of my arms around your waist' as I read all the way through it.
    The 'bittersweet' shared too.

    Isn't it amazing what we choose to love and be with? Isn't it amazing how we make real, our world we are present in and how 'real-life' floods in, to occupy the spaces we provide for it?

    Real is as we give it and receive it to be, I believe.
    We are masters our our own choices in each moment, always choosing to serve what we will and receiving the consequences to guide us forward by indication.

    May we see and follow them clearly.

    Sol X

  • Wow! Great write! I think that this is your best one yet! I love your stanza "Your breath in my ear makes me want to lick the phone sometimes I do" Fantastic imagery! Best of luck in your contest.


    • Lucy. gold member
      May 11
      Edit | Reply
      LOL, so now you can imagine me sitting there licking a phone!

      Thank you.
  • wow you have excelled yourself!!! This was very passionate and held a deep meaning to it... I like your free-verse The last three lines are my favorite

  • There is a gleeful sense of revenge running through this. All done with a smile and a knowing look

    . Rewarded 4


  • KayJay46 gold member
    May 10

    Edit | Reply
    Illicit love - my favorite subject (LOL). Very nicely and emotionally written... I love the mix of desire (makes me want to lick the phone) and displeasure (not feeling)that really brings the poem together...
    Well done...
    Ken

  • BIG! HUGE! - will comment properly another time

    i love you girl

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