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Mansong after John

It was the wail of his voice,
Jesus haired, tattoo shattered –
pale milk skin warped by the needle ache
of a witnessed hell.

It was the foxbrown beard
the olive eyes, the whispered sibilant
lisp lapsing, hushed. Lifeless gums
victorious, the teeth a fallen hero.

It was a madness we knew,
an obsession, determination,
a hunger for destruction,
the self loathing of being born.

It was a time of resurrection,
recrimination and regret,
a moment of now ensnared in
the remorse of sin.

Author notes

I just wanted to write about someone very special who'd known a lot of pain in his life

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • firefly53633
    August 26, 2008
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    Strong write!

    Nice use of color and strong, vivid imagery! Good job


  • Kari gold member
    August 25, 2008

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    Incredible imagery in this piece here. Congrats on getting your gold shine. It's very well deserved!


  • marc creamore
    August 25, 2008

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    Powerful, powerful write, incredible imagery . . . the John you speak of feels familiar somehow, his pain, his self loathing, his wailing voice . . . I guess many of us have known a John like yours . . .

    peace,
    Marc

  • dillpickle62
    July 20, 2008
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    Long whistle...

    Wow very, very good trapped my mind within the poem. I was right there seeing what you were. wow!


  • IrishGypsyRose silver member
    July 11, 2008

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    Great imagery in this poem with a powerful message. "the self loathing of being born."
    Amazingly stated. I was struck speechless by your piece...and for those who know me, that isn't an easy task lol. great write and best of luck in the contest. ~mandie~


  • Christina-is-crazy
    June 18, 2008

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    Thsi is a really great poem, keep up the good woek, and thank you so much for entering my contest, ♥ Christina


  • Nothing But No
    June 15, 2008

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    This was brilliant. The imagery was fantastic and some of your lines struck me as being just perfect.

    "the self loathing of being born."
    Absolutely amazing.

    I look forward to reading more of your work.


  • Fallen Grace silver member
    May 10, 2008

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    You put really great imagery into this poem. Your words are very powerful too. I really like this poem. Thank you for entering =]

    Good luck in my contest

    - ♥
    Beautifully-Bound

1 - 8 of 8