You're My Addiction, You

Fictionalising a fact of utter and shameless belief to
decades of futile fantasy.
What else remains but desolation, isolation, the desertion
of all senses. A scattergun of emotions
consumes all that awaits and befalls.

Treading a single second of waking hope to
dreaming these moments of vain.
No terrors of disappointment await
this orphaned bliss an unfulfilled expectation.

The face an effort of happiness, a
triumph, no entity to erase such promise of devotion.
The shared deity of satisfaction to kindle,
awaken, deny or declare.

This single rose of incredulity pervades salvation
a breath then he pauses, uncertain yet clinging,
echoing the turmoil of what is undreamt.
Tracing with fingers unblemished, naïve to
abuse and anguish.
No acid smile to conquer his world
unloved and just me.

Not this I conform, nor rest in comfort
comply to clash with eye upon eye.
You aware, swimming in knowledge, the unsaid and unwhispered.
Too much to rebut, I can but despair
nor would I want that unforgiving promise of what
you once held
a fragile palm of supplication when you cried
you were so very very sorry.
Bled your scornful of me.

No, this no longer your path, my way alone.
I have no place in my head for fickle
laughter that threatens to smash sharded stains of
feeling just what is.

Not for you my self.
Not for you this living existence.
My choice no more encapsulates to quell this
sampled destiny.

No matter how many fragments of you I may know
the future untainted. I fall to fact,
trust in you, resume.
This Man awaits, he grows inside my fate
to run, a shy child unheeding and alone
unquestioning the guilt of consummation.
Fires of distortion clutch breath
finally to sphere a control can only
engulf.
I warped of all hope – powerless
a  me. Insignificant, intrinsically
aware of what is not me and may
not be
my addiction. Enthralling, eroding, placating until
I am existence
Again.

A craving of expectation
coating sugar my teeth of anticipation.
Injecting my voiceless name through idle veins of grief.
Striving, proclaiming, decaying
the reality that matters.
The Man undiscovered in time.
No place can confine or him censure devotion.
Confirmed -
I am complete, sufficed in dream.