~
i am left
a mended reality
here, huge pines make night
wild of bones and violets
tangled in shadow-limbs
purple with shouting flowers
where stars spin, thrown
against their own horizons
and a yellow spot, a notion
of truth becomes
the moon in my eye
~~~
~~~
(c) GINA 10 May 2008
A contest entry
- landscape by ardentMarch.
1400 points, ended May 13, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Good to read you again.You have lost none of your spark.In fact it has burst into a flame.Congratulations on winning Gold.An excellent poem, Ros
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purple with shouting flowers is so strong- gives so much voice to the image at hand
this poem is truly just lovely- although if it were mine I would consider deleting the word left- the title already takes you into a past realm- and the word sitting there is almost unpleasant
compared to the rest
i need to sign on more and see this stuff when it originally posts- i forget that i miss the poetry of folks like yourself-
i see you are submitting
all over and publishing- I am so pleased to see that- well deserved!
Mary
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I love that last bit of truth, hung high and visible, it connects in the most immediate way..
Beautiful descriptions too, they're as full as their fragrance and that moon .... always full in words for me, though I have no idea why ..
Wonderful..
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::: hugs :::
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gorgeous!
lovely gold win!
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A moon in your eye ...
sounds painful. Is that something like a mote?
Hmmmmm ....
Anyway, I like the controlled compression you employ in writing this type of poem, and, of course, the imagery.
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I loved your poem, Gina!
A very well-deserved Gold here.
Congratulations, Poetess.
Love
Myra
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that really is a fine poem. i congratulate you. inspiring work. -silverfish
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thank you ...
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Very tight piece of writing here, Gina. I like the way the first and the last lines seem to hug the content of the poem, as well as how those two lines, connects with the title - title, first and last line actually wrap this poem up - a little poem on it's own in those! Wonderful use of colour and movement here. Just great poetry... a weave, reflection of the inner and outer landscapes.
~ Nicolette
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thank you Nicolette ... nice capture with the three lines ... always appreciate your kindness and happy you enjoyed this one >>> Gina
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I love this....your imagery & colors are beautiful. i see the tips of pine...a dark purple tree line & the moon ..wonderful use of alliteration/poetic device..also, the last two lines with the title make this one of those moments..those deep breath moments of truth. I really, really like this one...thanks for entering
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hey, thank you so much for the great contest ! happy my poetry speaks to you ... >>> Gina
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I love your use of colour...the dark, the light. It adds such wonderful texture. I really like the line;
"wild of bones and violets"
it could be just me, but I really want to add 'ed' to shadow...I find without, I seem to stumble...but,again that could be just me. Overall I think it's a lovely write
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Hi Gina,
You might consider dropping the first line which swings the title into the second line rather nicely and eliminates an I to start the poem
and for me I like it without the last two lines. Ending on finding moon in one's eye is just much more powerful than what you currently have (at least in my opinion).
Something about wild bones and violet resonates with me very strongly. Lovely.
Good luck in the contest.
Lisa
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ah ... that is great .. thank you ... lol this piece is getting tiny ... appreciate your eye >>> GIna
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You are just amazing.
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and you are so sweet ! thanks Namita
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