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The Seer's Return

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With glaring eye and staggering gait 
  he trod into the peaceful village.       
  A man~beast in pitiable state,             
  I ran to the well and drew water.
         

He quaffed the liquid and eyed me smart
  as curious onlookers gathered.                 
  It seemed as if he could see my heart       
  and the crowd seemed to sense it also.
     

"You are the orphan, Zee, are you not?     
  A caravan slaughtered all but one         
  an overlooked tiny, helpless tot. "               
  "Yes Sire," I breathed sinking to his feet.
     

His hand on my head, his voice surged out
  "Daemons walk this earth as I speak!"           
  Faces paled and wide eyes looked about,     
  as if thoughts could become flesh forthwith.


Under his hand I trembled in fear             
  he roared eternal conflict of forces             
  and warned us all with a mien austere     
  the wrath of He Who Coughed Up The World.
 

His wild hair and rough garments tattered
  blew about from a cold vicious wind,         
  we huddled close while our teeth chattered.
  Unclean spirits chilling us at dusk.
           

Colors of silence weighed heavily                   
  as he  swooned with the fast coming night.   
  Torches were lit and brought in a hurry,     
  stout arms rushed him to bed at the Inn.     

Warm blankets piled upon his frail form     
  bringing a bowl of broth, I sat down.             
  Men talked, whilst the wind became a storm. 
  I begged them post guards and let him rest.
   

Seventeen summers dreading the day             
  when disaster might again strike me,             
  only one obstacle bars the way                         
  that I might fulfill my destiny.
                             

"So, expose The Master's Plan would you?         
  Mortal bones" I danced in girlish glee.           
  Laughter wove the ragged robes anew               
  and they became his funeral shroud.
               

The bowl of poisoned soup sat empty                 
  the guards found me  weeping bitterly.           
  Silence, his  unfinished prophecy.                     
  The witch covers her face demurely.
 

         

A contest entry

Brutally honest comments please.

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • madmaddy
    June 30, 2008

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    WWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwww i totaly loved this poem i've read all of yours and with some slit editing you could publish a book seriously great great great lol trully inspiraing sorry for mii spelt word i'm typing very fast and dont tend to spell check love you maddison


  • penman gold member
    June 18, 2008
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    Excellent

    So very well expressed. A terrific creation. Congratulations on the honorable mention.


  • Green Manalishi gold member
    May 28, 2008

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    Alas...

    I regret not "seeing" this sooner (no pun intended, yeah, right...) in our contest.

    This was so excellent that I was torn between two thoughts, the first that I doubted your honesty in plagarism, and the second being my deep shame in impuning your honor (knowing full well that you are indeed capable of such articulate expression). Please consider this the product of my own jealousy and covet of your ability.

    I admit without reserve that you have beaten me in this competition, but am in wonder that you did not take at least the silver.

    Two minor edits: extra spaces before the punctuation on lines 2 and 22.

    A fantastic piece, and I dig the stony background!


  • Great Cthulhu
    May 27, 2008
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    Nice to see this one again!


  • aboomer silver member
    May 25, 2008

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    wow, outstanding imagery and depth in this! (deserving of higher trophy IMHO)....kept me interested all the way through. Very enjoyable.
    Great job with this!


  • Sara Bellem
    May 22, 2008

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    Congratulations on getting a trophy! Personally I would have given you a higher place trophy You write so eloquently and I appauld you on your work. You are a talent, don't ever stop writing! It was a honor to read Sara Dawn


  • aslanlight
    May 17, 2008
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    A thrill to read!

  • Great Cthulhu
    May 17, 2008

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    Impressive!

    An excellently dark write you've penned here. I enjoyed your rhyme scheme, the story and the imagery utilized. I like to see proofreading before submission. You have a few errors in punctuation (in your third and 10th stanzas). Keep your pen to the page and thanks for entering!


    • nichtmich silver member
      May 17, 2008
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      Thanks for the HM, Cthulhu I've edited the third and tenth stanzas accordingly I once worked as a typist and proofreader for a newspaper, lolol. It's much harder to proof your own work! Ach weil, mein liebchen.


  • Jadestone Doll
    May 14, 2008

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    I always admire the ones that can write the story poems. I know how hard it is to make these kind of poems flow and you did a beautiful job at making this read nicely off the tongue. Great work.


  • ramemareh
    May 12, 2008

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    Wow, quite a picture you have painted.I really like how those who knew, yet still cast him as a threat. A great bit of wordsmithing here.

1 - 11 of 11