Dancing within a liquid mirror,
Radiating brilliance as the facets quiver
deftly weaving nets of hair and melody
to ensnare and bewitch men of the sea.
Lures from my throat are sensuously cast
giggling coyly at Ulysses tied to his mast
It's not my intention to drench you to the bone,
I desire a lover-- I despise being alone...
From waist up and beyond, my dewy, supple arms
beckon embraces, pine to envelop you in my charms.
There are none to complete me in this watery abyss;
beings of this place flee from coolness of my kiss.
I can't bear the emptiness, your company may relieve
the agony of solitude, though your families grieve;
Once together in sea's bliss, you can never leave.
Author notes
A bit on the poor side, but it was taken from my Chamorro legends. On Guam, we have a mermaid siren named "Sirena". Please critique...I need all the help I can get on this poem.
A contest entry
- Sultry Seductress of the Sea by Pamela A Lamppa.
2625 points, ended May 15, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mega-Rhymer! by albymyheart.
1600 points, ended July 17, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Critique Please! Be Ruthless! I Like It Rough!
Comments
-
An enchanting poem. Images of seductive mermaids come to mind, yet their loneliness saddens the picture.
I loved your poem and your rhyme, but this contest was calling for many lines rhymed with the same sound. This poem contains but three lines only rhymed in this way.
Thank you so much for entering and giving me the opportunity to read your poem...alby
-
I am pleased to read such delightful rhyme. Well done. You have touched the contest specs beautifully with this piece.
Thank you for a splendid entry and best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
Adding your comment:
