What songs can I write
That haven't been written?
What gift can I give
That hasn't been given?
What words can I say
That haven't been spoken?
What promise to make
That could not be broken?
What emotion to feel
That hasn't been felt?
What deed can I do
That hasn't been dealt?
What tears can I cry
That haven't been wept?
What secrets to keep
That haven't been kept?
What visage to see
That hasn't been seen?
What knowledge to gain
That hasn't been gleaned?
And what beauty to know
If not of your presence?
What scent to be captured
If not of your essence?
What life can I live
and breathe without you?
What love can I give
If not given to you?
Author notes
Just a passing moment of inspiration. Thought I'd share the result...
Written December 20th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Make Me Feel by LostInThought.
250 points, ended December 22, 2003, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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wow, seeing as i'm not even close to being the only person responding to this, i'll try to make this comment as original as possible.
the fact that you keep in a consistent rhythm, with rhyming words, but it doesnt take away from the meaning is simply astounding. i find it virtually impossible to do on my own, so kudos to you for taking the time to make it work. it was well worth it.
in other news, this is also incredibly sweet, and whoever you wrote it for is extremely lucky.
a suggestion if you plan on editing:
you rhyme you with you in the last stanza.
though, it doesnt take away from the meaning, so whatever floats your boat. great write and congrats. -
Why can I not capture all that I feel like you've done so gracefully. A moment of inspiration...wow. I'm glad you chose to share. I must send people your way, my friend would love this. Hehe, sound weird? Amazing write.
Lotsa love...................................CalmWaters.
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Wow! Beautiful. Stunning! I was lurking, but your poem motivated me to sign in. Awesome!
Keep Feeling Fascination,
~Tiffany~ -
I love this! Excellent flow and rhyme! Plus it's just sooo sweet! Great write! I can't wait to read more!
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This is absolutly amazing! I love it. Your rhymthe, meter and stanzas all fall in place so perfectly as a puzzle! And you have such a story to tell here as well. Very enjoyable read. Thank you!
TD
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I agree with everyone else. There's a beauty in such simply words. Kudos to you!
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awesome
awesome work you have here keep up the good work and I hope you will read some of my work also. -
lovely.
-rainmaker- -
ah, excellent. i'm going to have to read more.
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An emotional write. Flows wonderfully. This must be a very special find that you have. Great work. Keep penning my friend!
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Nice. Very nice. I like the rythme you have going here. The whole spoken v.s. spoke seen v.s. see I like that alot. Kinda gives it a peronal feel to it. Great write. Keep dreaming in ink.
~*Divine*~ -
Ohhh.. Tears in my eyes... So beautiful... This one really mad eme want to read all of your poetry...
Oh my... I'm sad now.. Oh so sad...
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wow, that's really quite perfect.
I love how it has all these questions, leading to the last 2 stanzas that just ask the ultimate questions of love. So inspiring, I really enjoy your work.
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Very Good!!
Your best(BESTEST) so far Nepenthe...Wonderful!
You are getting better and better everyday....
Keep posting more!!
Muse
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This is the first poem I've read of yours and I love it. The emotion and message is beautifully conveyed. ::applauds like a crazy woman!!:: I don't even know what else to say, a truly great write, been a while since I've been left speechless
Crystal -
Nepenthe, beautiful piece.
-sjard.
Edited on Dec 21, 11:36 because ''. -
The emotions we think we've explored for the first time have been experienced by many others before our time..You captured everything perfectly here,but im not sure about the last 4 lines :
"What life can I live
and breathe without you?
What love can I give
If not given to you?"
I think thats um..romantically hopeless,Haha..First off youre living this life with or without the other,and your love can be directed to someone other than this unnamed person,if only you could just let go. Thats the difficult part,i know. Beautiful write and you ended it so well,hopelessly,still yearning for this unnamed person~
~aura -
I didn't expect so many nice comments...and you may certainly show it to anyone you'd like.
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this was really good so I showed it to my mam and she said it was beautiful aswell
rowena-jo -
Nepenthe, I echo the other comments, this is just beautifull, really caught my attention, the words follow on so smoothly, really cheered me ,may i show it to someone special please? take care.B 5
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Very beautiful piece. I liked the flow and the style of the poem- it also rolls easily off the tongue and sounds good when read out loud. I like the second to the last stanza the best and the one you followed it up with- love is a powerful emotion. Good job look forward to reading some more of your work.
Happy Holidays,
Tracey -
this was so beautiful....it really caught my attention...the thought you put behind this poem was briliant...a very inspiring poem!!!
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Thats so beautiful, oh gee now Im gonna cry again ( I always weep at good poetry!!!!!!!!) oh that was written so well, I felt it and I thought it fit emotions I feel and have felt so well!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I behold this piece as one of touching memory and beauty. Congradulations!
Also well done on using words I didnt know ! ( gleaned, lol my feeble 13 year old mind) Anyways Well Done
I love it!
LoneStar
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