I dreamed you were a snake last night
And blood dripped from your eyes
Your scales were dark and dangerous
And polished with your lies.
A wicked tongue made threatening lies
And terrorized my mind
Angry fangs forced fear inside
And stoked my inner cries.
Just when a strike seemed obvious
You dropped your sad disguise
And coiled around my trembling feet
And just as sadly died.
An instant passed before I knew
The reason for your slide.
Sorrow was your only poison
Now I can leave you far behind.
Author notes
Option 5
In a list
A contest entry
- No Lies, Just Love... by Fallen Grace.
900 points, ended June 8, 2008, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Suitable-for-Publishing Poetry Contest. Prewrites welcome. by Expat4Cebu.
500 points, ended May 30, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever by crazymomma.
450 points, ended June 9, 2008, 76 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best of the Best Final by xXFreedom-of-LoveXx.
395 points, ended June 8, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For New and Trophy Lacking by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended July 16, 2008, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems Please by Violet Moodswing.
875 points, ended June 29, 2008, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn your Green Trophies into Bronze, Silver or Gold by FloridaGatorQueen.
600 points, ended June 29, 2008, 63 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever You May Desire by InMyFlames.
600 points, ended July 9, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspiration by CassidyEngle.
450 points, ended July 24, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme your greenies by crazymomma.
300 points, ended August 11, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options contest(prewrites accepted) by your angers a gift.
1000 points, ended February 23, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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very nicely put. Good write. Thanks for entering! Good luck!
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The rhyme and flow were just amazing and I love the metaphore used here. It is so true that sorrow can be our poison. This is wonderful. Thanks for entering and good luck
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Absolutely stunning, but some part in your rhyming seemed to be forced
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I loved this ..it is seeing in your dreams what eludes us when awake.
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What option did you choose?
Interesting rhyming -
Did you meet the same snake I did? lol Lots of hidden meaning in this poem. Very powerful! Interesting, sad, unfortunatly letting go, but losing a snake isn't always bad.
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This is so powerful it screams beauty... you've done a marvelous job with this poem and i hope you keep up the great work. thanks for sharing =]
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"And polished with your lies." i really like that line! this is a well structured poem
well done and thanks for entering
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This is a really cool poem. I could picture my ex Greg as the snake in this piece. He was very decieving. I enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
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Your poem has interesting perspective. At first it seems to be speaking of the obvious snake in the grass type person, but at second look and toward the end it could be speaking toward some of the sadness that we personally hang onto. So it seems to be more about letting go.
At any rate I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for entering. : -
I really like the rhyming. It doesn't sound too forced, which is REALLY good
Good luck in your contest
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wow, such amazing emotions
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This is an amazing write! I loved the rhyming, but more than that I loved your metaphor! I'm probably wrong, but I interpreted it as someone who acted tough and threatining only to hide their pain inside. Although, this can be interpreted in many different ways, which is another reason why I like it. Awesome job!
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beautifu
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surprising
I guess it is true that you never really know some people. They can seem so destructive...then we gain the strength to walk away, and find that we were stronger than we knew. The passion in your lines was incredible. Brought feelings to the surface that I thought I had put to bed.
Very effective.
KoS
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nice poem good flow of words and emotion...enjoyed it
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I love the metaphore here. Lovely imagery. I enjoyed the ending too
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this is a great piece of imaginary and methaphors too.. loved the ending good job!
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Hello Celadia.
This is a lovely write, with a great twist, which reminds me of the line 'Resist not evil' in a way. The person you refer to can be interpreted in many ways, could be someone in a relationship who needs to keep you at a certain level for whatever reason, or an inner torment that won't let you go. I like how you haven't been too specific so as to allow different perceptions. And with me you get two for the price of one, hahaha.
My regards.
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Thanks for joining my contest
take care
good luck -
very striking
this poem describes the killer instinct of a snake while at the same time describes inner pain and hurt. I love the depiction...affects me more since im afraid of snakes LOL. great descriptive poem. 8.5/10
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lovely, rich and dark.
the dream was haunting and capturing, we were pulled into
every line and verse!
loved that last line..courageous and firm!
ears/Seattle powerful poem this is!
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Wow...great imagery here. Powerful irony and a 'saving' grace. You did a nice job with this piece. I was even a little 'ruffled' by the dream (lol).
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WOW! A poem that truly grabs you as your read it! You sure caught my attention! Good luck to you in the contest! Quite the dream too!!
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this was amazing! beautifully written! i can feel all the emotion and thought that you put into this. great job!
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ow ow ow ow!
Woowt. I really liked this.
REALY REALYLY.
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This is wonderfully written, the rhyming is perfect and the flow is absolutly amazing! I love the emotion behind this poem, its beautiful.
Great job, good luck in my contest!
- ♥
Beautifully-Bound
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