Splattering colors on spaces bold,
she pauses but for mere moments
before diving back in;
each sway of her brush intent to fill the mold.
Catastrophic events & a peaceful moment,
filler days, and nights gone by,
yet her brush keeps going
till she has no one left to torment.
Biting her lip she inks her pen
writing out moments in time,
setting out fates in stone-
just so that she may begin again:
When there's nothing left
but a painted canvas without meaning,
two cups of coffee far too strong
and years worth of sweet regret.
Author notes
7. I kind of spun it>> Just an insy bit. But it's seeing life through god's eyes- as an artist.
&
3. Desperation of the covered canvas
15=age
I'm not an astonishing rhymer, and if it wasn't for the fact that I started with the last stanza, It would have any rhyme at all. So I do apologize for that.
A contest entry
- CALLING ALL TEENAGERS...... by InfiniteCaitlin.
800 points, ended June 9, 2008, 23 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be harsh, be specific.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Impressive. Normally the first piece I read in a contest is crap. This is quite nice. A Little short in my opinion. I think you could really thake this idea and stretch it out and have some fantastic images. the rhyming did turn me off a bit but it wasnt horrid or anything. So I suggest add on. Stretch your vocabulary to the max and blow me out of the water.
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I adore the last stanza...there's something timeless and lonely about it. Great metaphors indulged in here as well, I must say.
Suggestions:
"Splattering colors on spaces bold"
Although 'spaces bold' is quite a different phrase than what you'd normally hear...there's a reason why it's different--it doesn't flow as well as 'bold spaces' would've. Just my opinion.
"a peaceful moment/filler days"
I think this could be "peaceful moments in filler days" or something that connects these 2 separate lines more smoothly.
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=P Hmmmmm, that might be because Bold Spaces doesn't rrrhhhyymmee
=)
It probably would, I'll think abouts changing it. In... They aren't well connected at all really. Danneh shall think about it.
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i really like this work, the flow is fantastic. i never have liked paint by numbers and this poem just represents a lot.
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Enjoyed this poem which for me started and ended strong, but felt a bit hazy in the middle. It might well just be my impression, though. Also the white on black was the perfect background for this.
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This is really kewl. I especially like the last lines... they hold a lot of meaning. It has a really nice rhythm and the rhyme isn't that dreadful . Good luck in the contest!
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