you call me
into the night
slowly
I dance your steps
warm cadence
warmer...
and our shadows
unlike the vine arch
do not notice the rain
Author notes
JFTJOI
Can barely pay for cable... you know what that means Tara
In a list
A contest entry
- PIF - three of my favorite things by ardentMarch.
1200 points, ended May 22, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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"and our shadows
unlike the vine arch
do not notice the rain"
this is very sensual, romantic, and such a beautiful moment...to be with each other dancing.. where we do not notice the rain...thank you so much for entering my contest
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i like the image of the vine arch a lot. the comparison between the shadows and the vines creates an imbalance in the piece that i really enjoyed.
i also liked the italicized stanza a lot, it's almost as if you're talking to the music, provides a nice break between the first and last stanza, while still tying them together.
amazing brevity, you manage to squeeze a lot into a few words!
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This is beautiful, serene...the last stanza is stunning
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Oh my gosh! This is simply beautiful, Mari. If I were you, I'd make the "don't notice", "do not notice". It reas better that way.
So so beautiful. I bookmark!
- namita
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Thanks Indian flower.
Noted and edited
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I really like the unspoken sensuality you have written here. What better way to celebrate the love than to dance in the rain is there? Dance on dear friend, dance on. Best wishes in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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I found this very beautiful. It took me away somewhere. Short piece but held a very great depth to it.
All the best
Wayne Leon
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<
> don't notice the rain < it doensn't say it's raining Yem and yes some do read comments. Why not if it is amusing or teaching or even teasing.
Ok and do like the poem without many comments Mari -
This is gorgeous poetry, Mari...loved the rhythm here (but then I love dancing and music) and the romantic atmosphere you've created here. Just beautiful.
~ Nicolette
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Why can't the moon shine while it rains? It's not a monsoon is it?
The cadence bit, I am of two minds here. At first read it seems out of place, like an unnecessary interruption or a too pointed interjection by the poet saying: "This is what I want you to see, stupid reader".
Then again, I read it, and it seems necessary, a little orange in the gray. silver and black night.
So I'll stick to what is important: the enjoyment I got out of these lines: a whole chapter to my mind.
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I've a headache and a sour back
I really like the last stanza here, well, the whole poem actually but that last stanza really gives that depth to it, one could keep on lingering about...
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Brida,
You set the stage
brilliantly.
Aesthete
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rain has the quality of to remind us how much we wish for things, how much we savor things, precious things and shadows, so revealing...wonderful poetry...touching like arching vines...h
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excellent~
Love this sweetie
So much said in such few words...
I dance in your steps
and our shadows
unlike the vine arch
don't notice the rain...
Penned perfectly sweet sis..
Best of luck in the contest...this is a winner in my book
Hugs
Susan~~~
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Gorgeous write here, love the visual of the shadows!
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