Bidden I came to you,
slipped so soft beneath the façade of normality,
captured all your thoughts, seduced them
until only my words escaped prison of breath.
Your invitation is no longer valid,
you’ve over stayed your welcome.
I’ve found that on the ground
is the lowest place I can fall.
The ground is not the lowest you can be
when you crawl just to taste the essence of me,
and in your sleep I am all you see,
your leading actor in this scene.
I’m holding on to the fragments of reality
that you promised to mend,
but only seemed to make worse,
fraying what little hope I had left.
There is no love like obsession,
to feel me fill your life with dreams,
and if you try to leave this world I’ve made,
I’ll dance upon your fragility.
There is no hope like redemption
but I’m drowning in the warmth of my fixation,
as you suffocate me in my frail state
diminishing any hope of breathing again.
Author notes
Fugazi: Stanzas 1,3,5
Spiritual Soul: Stanzas 2,4,6
Spiritual Soul and Fug-azi
Our goal with this piece was a struggle with addiction, the person is trying to get out of their addiction, but the drug, is calling them back in a way. It was inspired by the song "Don't leave home" by Dido
We joined because we were paired together for another contest, but the contest closed, so we decided to write something anyway for this one!
A contest entry
- The Allpoetry Duo: auditions by Asfand.
1800 points, ended May 23, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Wow, niece I marvel at how you are doing, you and Fugazi..and your mentors...This poem is something else of a wonder! Your prompt background you have touched on wonderfully..You amaze me!
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VERY NICELY DONE.. GOOD JOB VERY GOOD PROMPT AND REPSONSE AND
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Hm, I quite liked it. Great choice of words, line one of stanza 5 is perfection and speaks to me...I guess maybe this poem should find some emotional connection with me, being about drug addiction and all...however I suppose I am not trying to escape...nice try words, but I'm smarter than that. The only I can really negatively say about this is that the rhythm was disturbed a bit, a few small changes of line structure and word choice would make this perfect.
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Powerful write, Michaela. I liked the third stanza the best, especially the part of the ground not being the lowest a person can be. It seemed metaphorical, like a person making poor choices in their life and having to find the courage to try to fix some mistakes in their life. Thanks for sharing and congrats on winning the gold.
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Without one doubt, a great piece of work. Filled with great imagery, metaphor and very very moving!
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you should be very proud of this work my dear. Fug is simply loaded with talent and I owe my being on this site to him. This is an awesome piece by you both.
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