I tried to envision all of the ways
To prove why our love is not beyond true
But my brain day dreamed of lilac days
Counting humming birds, in a golden hue
You have helped me see so many things
And I know they will come to be
And soon we will have our platinum rings
Walking the shore line of an Azure Sea
So this, "I love you" is yours forever
As the green shoals hiding in your eyes
And I will let no soul ever sever
'Til the light of my life flicker-sighs
Back to the promise we all come from
With you in my arms, I feel love hum.
Author notes
Written December 20th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- tell the person how much you love them by LilMissLoser.
300 points, ended October 22, 2005, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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I liked the reference to platinum rings. You don't see that very often. If there's a reference made to wedding rings at all, it's usually always golden bands so kudos to you for that extra touch of class. Unless I'm mistaken, I believe "shoreline" as you used it here, is one word, not two. This is a very nice sonnet overall. Good luck in the contest.
~Kimberly
Edited on Dec 23, 3:54 because ''. -
lovely descriptions, indeed.:
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i usually dont like sonnets but this was a beautiful piece that you have written and its making take a second look at it, its the way sonnets should be written...flowing, melodic, sweet
thanks for entering
kay -
Great, I spelled something wrong--when I said "And it was just like 'purple, yellow, blue,'" I meant "And it WASN'T just like 'purple, yellow, blue.'" Sorry about that.
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That was amazing! First of all, I really like the title--it's awesome. I liked how you used colors to describe things. I liked thinking of those colors. And it was just like "purple, yellow, blue," but it was "lilac, golden, azure." (I love the word 'azure.') The last two lines were my very favorite. Nice work.
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I agree, this is a beautiful sonnet! So, full of emotion and it is completely honest just how you feel about your loved one. Thanks so much for entering and good luck in the contest!
--Jenn
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lol an american sonnet, eh?
This is gorgeous, horus, very romantic and elaborate!
To be honest, I forgot that it was even a sonnet, the flow was so natural! I think I enjoy "american sonnets" more than traditional ones lol -
I chose to read this because I love the name "Nadine" and I was suprised at how touching and absolutely beautiful this poem is, wonderful job, you really created a vivid picture.
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This is wonderful, it takes you on a journey of love and lets it radiate. The images that you have written are imprinted in my mind. Thank you for entering my contest, Take care. Lissa
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flicker sighs. that bit has picked up a real resonance with me. did you find the form to be restrictive? i get the sense that perhaps you did to some degree. i'm not familiar with the sonnet at all, so i sure can't tell you whether or not this is a fine one... except as far as personal intuition goes. so. flicker sighs sold me.
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Bravo!
hey! thanks for entering my contest! This is really great. I absolutely enjoyed reading this. It's really beautiful. Good poem-I liked it a lot. Again, thanks and good luck! -
i like it... the rhyme is good and not forced...
Not usually a fan of love pieces, they can be rather cliche, but you did nicely at it.
good job and good luck in the contest...
~Caroline~ -
thought-provoking
this sings to you.the flow is so lyrical it sings.it has great depth and it engages your thoughts.good luck -
awww... it's so sweet and lovely.
Nice. -
Good! Its kind of got a hidden meaning to it. It makes the reader think about what they want it to mean to them instead of what it is supposed to mean. I like those kind of poems. Good write and thank you for putting it out for people to read.
me -
Nice imagery and a very great poem. I liked it very much. Thanks for your comments on "Request For Prayers For Renae" I really appreciate it. Please keep her in your prayers.
God Bless
Bertie -
Great job, it was beautiful!!!
~Rhea~ -
Yes, shhh, it's an American Sonnet, which is another way of saying I cheated on the iambic part. But that's how we one the revolutionary war. Shhh.
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Sensual Cupidity
Guess what? I used all the rules of the book to judge your poem (horus-wise), and my heart said: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ... because it felt "the love hum" ...
Now: would you oppose me on saying this is lovely? Pure Poetry? Sensual and romantic? Ah. I am Nadine. Suddenly.
Myra -
Wow! I love your indepth imagery you use here. Great love piece.
Td
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