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Redemption

REDEEM, INNOCENCE, TO A CHILD IT BELONGS.
REDEEM, PURITY, TO LIFE IT AFFIRMS.
REDEEM, VIRGINITY, TO FEMININITY IT SERVES.
REDEEM, FRAGILITY, TO AUTHORITY IT DENIES.
REDEEM, BLESSINGS, TO VALUE THEM RIGHT.
REDEEM, BEAUTY, TO FLATTER THE SURFACE.
REDEEM, BREVITY, TO EXPLORE SECRETS.
REDEEM, BRAVERY, TO MASTER EXISTENCE.
REDEEM, SURVIVAL, TO BREATHE NECESSITY.
REDEEM, TRIVIALITY, TO ASSERT CREDIBILITY.
REDEEM, REFLECTION, TO DENY KNOWLEDGE.
REDEEM, REDEMPTION, REDEEM THYSELF.

Author notes

THIS IS WHAT I HOPE TO ACHIEVE.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Lowell Poe
    April 21

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    Redeem is really another word for recovery....
    there is redemption through sacrifice...
    rebirth.....improvement....
    so this is....yes...very relevant lass...
    made me ponder....

    Bless you lass,
    Lowell Poe


  • shayx0
    January 31

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    i wasnt a fan of the caps lock it made it hard to focus on the point you were trying to make, i had to go back and read it a few times and once i did i really liked it.

    i wish you luck[:

  • JM Kenyon silver member
    December 30, 2008

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    Wow! Now, that is an impressive list of New Year's Resolutions Just kidding.

    It's indeed an impressive list of things to do and qualities to adhere to on a personal, day to day basis. Good luck on your quest. s and best wishes always... ~Genie~


  • seclusion
    November 25, 2008

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    Yeah, the caps hurt my eyes as well But it wasn't too bad, actually. Perhaps you could consider just capitalizing the important lines and phrases, such as the word "redeem" as well as the last line. Other than that, I found that I was wishing for something more from this poem. I did like it, I considered it to be unique as well as insightful. However, I felt as if there should be rhyme of some sort. Every line is so repetitive in itself, that it feels like it needs a rhythm to accompany it. However, this is completely up to you. Good job with the poem!

  • copper29
    October 9, 2008

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    Absolutely hated the all-caps, but once I got over that, I have to say that this is pretty interesting. It really makes a person think. My favorite line is "Redeem, survival, to breathe necessity" (though you spelled necessity with two c's instead of one).


  • Harlequin Bunny
    July 21, 2008
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    Very interesting here .. usually I'm not a fan of USING ALL CAPS .. but I think here, it helped to drive the message home, and add a sense of importance and insistence. This seems almost like a religious passage, with the language and simplistic beauty!

1 - 6 of 6