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Breaking News - George Bush Creates Hemmoroids!

Missing image
Boy, what an awful week this has been!  Let me tell you!
In the subway, I was a victim of a vicious, random assault.
Then I got the flu, lost my job, and my new car was stolen.
I'm not quite sure how he did it, but it's George Bush's fault!

*

I am Achmed. I live in a small village in a very small country.
No one's heard of it. You can spit from one side to the other.
Yesterday, my beloved kitty cat, Fatima, came home pregnant.
And I know this President Bush is to blame. Damn his mother!

*

Have you ever had hemmoroids? Oh, dear Lord, the agony!
No ointments or suppositories have helped my poor tush.
Besides, I'm kind of fat down south so I can't even reach it.
Wait! I know who did this to me! It's that evil George Bush!

*

(This is not a Bush-bashing poem.  Just the opposite, actually.  If you agree that Bush gets the blame for EVERYTHING that's wrong with the world, feel free to add a verse!  Remember, the sillier the better.  Send it to me in a message and I'll add it to the poem, but only if it's ridiculous enough.  Of course, I'll put the author's name in parentheses below each entry.  Go ahead!  Have at!  If it's goofy enough to be true, you may even get yourself on Bush's watch list!  )



ADDITIONS FROM FRIENDS

I know George Bush is evil.
That's not just something that they say.
My son just joined the Army Reserve,
then told me that he's gay!
(Ocerus)

All my favourite TV shows have been cancelled here in Aus,
Replaced with garbage reality TV and other nonsense crap.
Apparently, there was a writer's strike but really it's because
Dubya sent troops to Afghanistan to blow Osama off the map!
(AusStar)

I tore a nail off my toe
Gots me some blood,
Don't you know
I fell and gots a bloody nose
With a big scab,
matches me toes
My cat gave birth to a dozen or more
I tried to pet one.
Now I'm sore
But, all of it I'm sure heck
is because of Georgie, Hillarie, Obamie.
Stretch All Politicians Necks!
(Chuck Johnson)

I met an American in a London theatre last week
And I kicked him in his overweight tush;
I told him he was a piece of slimy scum
And he can put the blame on brainless George Bush.
(Edna Sweetlove)

Author notes

Feel free to add a verse! Remember, the sillier the better.

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Comments

1 - 32 of 32

  • Edna Sweetlove
    June 1

    Edit | Reply
    I met an American in a London theatre last week
    And I kicked him in his overweight tush;
    I told him he was a piece of slimy scum
    And he can put the blame on brainless George Bush.

    • Mark Rickerby gold member
      June 1
      Edit | Reply
      By the way, Edna, nice play on the verse by the guy with the fat tush and the roids. I hope that kick up the arse you gave him didn't hit him dead center, and I hope you weren't wearing pointy shoes. He's got enough problems! I'm surprised he was even at the theater. Sitting through a two-hour play with hemmoroids the size of rugby balls ain't easy!

      • Edna Sweetlove
        June 1
        Edit | Reply
        In the spirit of our charming agreement not to be rude to each other (in order to avoid bans!) I shall be reasonable as always. But I must say that Jimmy Carter is the only decent American I have heard of since, um, er, oh dear, I can't think of one..... Pocohontas?

  • Mrs.Keizor
    May 15

    Edit | Reply

    Love It!

    LOL... Although I do believe that Bush is the worst president that we have ever had, I'm not the one that would blame him for "everything"... even I had a good laugh at this one. Its always nice to come back to ap... you are the FIRST person I always come by and comment on your masterpieces


    • Mark Rickerby gold member
      May 16
      Edit | Reply
      I think Jimmy Carter is the worst president we ever had, and he's still making a fool out of himself, breaking bread with people who are determined to slaughter us all. Whatever Bush's faults are, he is taking out the trash. (Fundamentalist Muslims bent on world domination and destruction of anything that isn't exactly like themselves.) These people want us all dead. I want a president who wants them dead. This is war, a war they started.

      Anyway, it was a nice surprise to hear from you. I hope you've been happy in your new marriage and every other way. Talk to you soon.

      Mark

      • Edna Sweetlove
        June 1
        Edit | Reply
        It's extraordinary that you believe the only decent man ever to enter the White House, the only American president not to cause aggression and the only one who recognises the Israelis for the vicious murdering Nazis they really are, should be America's worst president. Totally amazing. Ah well, chacun a son gout. Never mind, you'll be getting a half-caste soon! Until some loony assassinates him that is.

        • Mark Rickerby gold member
          June 1
          Edit | Reply
          Edna,

          Carter was a total failure as a president. His list of screw-ups is too long even to summarize. Now he's a traitor as well, mid-wifing tyrants all over the world and speaking out against the president on foreign soil during a war. Bush has made a lot of mistakes, but he has also killed a lot of "vicious, murdering nazi's." (The Islamo-fascists, that is.) Israel has made a lot of mistakes, too, and continues to do so, but the fact that you think Israeli's are worse than Muslim terrorists discredits your entire argument.

          It's "extraordinary" to me that you leave no comments on any writings of mine other than political poems that you disagree with. You seem to love peace, or at least hate those you believe are disrupting it (Israel, for example), but you don't exhibit a peaceful nature yourself. Ever hear that old line from Mother Teresa, "Become the change you want to see in the world"?

          I like the line about kicking the American up the arse and blaming it on Bush. It has been added to the poem.

          Hope you're doing well.

          Mark



          • Edna Sweetlove
            June 1
            Edit | Reply
            Whilst you retain sufficient humour to add my unkind stanza, all is forgiven. However, I am sad that you belittle the only decent president your benighted country ever had. As for the Israelis: they make me understand (partially) why Hitler and his mates were a little anti-jew.....
  • ocerus
    May 13

    Edit | Reply
    I know George Bush is evil,
    that's not just something that they say.
    My son just joined the Army Reserve,
    then told me that he's gay!

    Great idea for a poem, Mark! Of course, you do realize that the world will end the very second Bush farts again, right? Ah, the burritos! Yours - ocerus


  • Balladeer gold member
    May 12
    Edit | Reply
    hehehe///I'll be back! *)


  • ferg silver member
    May 11

    Edit | Reply

    Bushwacked!!

    Hey Mark, a little political catharsis huh? It's good for folks to rant, get it out of your system. All that said the questions begs...are we (as in all of us) part of the solution or part of the problem. Somebody voted him in, notwithstanding questionable polling practices, not once but twice!

    My succinct take on all of this is that essentially the world of politics is a bottomless cesspool. A rather pessimistic view I'll admit, but one I keep arriving at.

    Cheers,

    Henri


  • stani
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    ah! evil old Bush! the problems he has created with eight silly years of bumbling ignorance! now the world is economic tormoil, food prices have gone throuh the roof, oil prices are still climbing, houses are getting repossessed all over the world! who is at fault? why, evil old Bush!

  • catie052 gold member
    May 11
    Edit | Reply
    Ha Ha HA ....This was good...I liked the stanza about the cat...funny!

  • Mark McNulty
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    A great poem, and so very true. No matter what is wrong in life, big or small, it has become so easy to blame the President and the government. The humor of the piece rests in its truth. Just the other day it was drizzling rain and a woman was ranting and raving about the cold weather being George Bush's fault. It was quite comical. A great poem that puts a sharp focus on just how ridiculous and absurd the game of placing convenient, rather than merited, blame has become. It is just far easier to blame a figure head than someone we know, or worse... ourselves! Good job.

    . Rewarded 8


    • Mark Rickerby gold member
      May 12
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, Mark. You understood what I was going for with this poem perfectly. I appreciate it.



  • Blooming Poet
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    I love people like you. I hate bush, he has done nothing but horrible things for our country. This was quite funny.

    • Mark Rickerby gold member
      May 12
      Edit | Reply
      P.G.

      This poem was actually a parody of people who blame Bush for everything. I really don't hate the man. Most people in the world today, including too many Americans, are too ready to blame America and Bush for everything that's wrong, when the problems are really due to psychotic idiots like the terrorists who want to destroy everything that isn't exactly like themselves. Bush has made some mistakes, but he has also killed a lot of the world's trash, and that's what most people wanted him to do after 9/11. I think he would have been damned no matter what he did. Thanks for reading.

      Mark

  • Bob Fox
    May 11

    Edit | Reply

    Lol

    And the truth is that Bush guy is responsible for all the dead dinosaurs and allowing Raquel Welch to get old

    . Rewarded 4


  • AusStar silver member
    May 11

    Edit | Reply

    One More

    All my favourite TV shows have been cancelled here is Aus
    Replaced with garbage reality TV and other nonsense crap
    Apparently there was a writers strike but really its because
    Dubya sent troops to Afghanistan to blow Osama off the map


  • ebaby
    May 9
    Edit | Reply
    really neat idea I love it!


  • AusStar silver member
    May 9
    Edit | Reply
    You wouldn't beleive the cost of living here, all the way downunder
    The cost of petrol, food and clothing has totally gone insane
    We could blame the aussie government but you know I really wonder
    If truth be told and I will be so bold, its bushy that is to blame

    • Mark Rickerby gold member
      May 9
      Edit | Reply
      You changed the rhyme scheme by rhyming line 1 with 3, and 2 with 4, but since it requires more skill, I'm not going to say anything about it. Oops!

    • Mark Rickerby gold member
      May 9
      Edit | Reply
      Damn! That was fast! lol I love it! Up it goes!

      • AusStar silver member
        May 9
        Edit | Reply
        You have no idea how fast I can churn them out Mark!!!

  • AusStar silver member
    May 9
    Edit | Reply
    HAHAHAHAHA!!! I love this, recently I've been listening to the radio at all the whingers ringing in blaming everything on the government, and its been really annoying me. It's amazing how easy it is to blame everything on the government isn't it.


    • Mark Rickerby gold member
      May 9
      Edit | Reply
      I just added something in parentheses below the poem. I'm inviting anyone to add verses to this but they have to be ridiculous. i.e., George Bush getting a cat pregnant 20,000 miles away. I'm sure you could come up with a lulu.


  • CountryCousin gold member
    May 9

    Edit | Reply

    Funny.

    Poor old George Bush gets the blame for everything these days. And the new president will get the blame for everything from as you said a cat getting pregnant to train wreck in Timbucktoo.


  • KayJay46 gold member
    May 9

    Edit | Reply
    "Damn" when used in the same sentence as "George Bush" is not considered swearing... it's become part of his name (LOL). I think it will remain long after "President" has gone! Very clever write.

    Thank you for your imaginative entry... Best of luck in the contest.

    Ken


    • Mark Rickerby gold member
      May 9
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, Ken. There's no doubt about it - he has got to be the most loathed president in history, some of which is justified, but I think he's being blamed for too much. Iraq, for instance, should have been real quick. Liberate the people from a tyrant, train the police and army, and leave. Bush just didn't expect an endless parade of religious whack jobs who glorify death, especially their own. Oops, almost went on a rant. Sorry. lol

      Have a great weekend.

      Mark

      • Chuck Johnson silver member
        May 10

        Edit | Reply
        I tore a nail off my toe
        Gots me some blood
        Don't you know
        I fell and gots a bloddy nose
        With a big scab
        matches me toes
        My cat gave birth to a dozen or more
        I tried to pet one
        Now I'm sore
        But, all of it I'm sure heck
        is because of Georgie, Hillarie, Obamie,
        Stretch All Politicians Necks!

  • Chuck Johnson silver member
    May 9
    Edit | Reply
    Ah! Now you've gone and done it, and let the cat out of the bag. Georgie is responsible for all of all our bad. He gave you hemmoroids and me viagra. I'm sure of it! I know he did it and I'm having a fit! Dang old George! I can't get it up because of that nitwit!


    • Mark Rickerby gold member
      May 9
      Edit | Reply
      haha - Now I'm really glad I put this one in the adult category! Maybe I'll add another verse about the prez being responsible for limp willies, too. lol

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