Visions drift upon chance and disappear,
fears creep into fetish concentration
as time peels the soul into submission.
Find your spot in the logical driveway,
yesterday they took your ass for a check
and weekends disguise our mortality.
Can you wake me up well?
Take this blur of time to spend
making love to dry blood,
please give back the very end.
I think I see the light so very green,
seems another shotgun is overdue
as we light up another question mark.
Alarm clocks shout the insignificance,
dance with me baby into delusions
as you stroke me despite this aging real.
Can you wake me up well?
This dirty mess of strong will
fades away like slow blues,
a tragic smirk that keeps me still.
Author notes
artwork by Luna
A contest entry
- Poet's Choice II by Luna Tique Fringe.
1700 points, ended May 19, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Can you roll another?
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Vivid imagery as well as depth in emotions that take the reader in! Outstanding penning here!!
Congratulations on your award!!!
Jasminerose
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Very raw and it sucked the wind out of me. A bit scary... The last stanza is killer.
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Poignant and very strong. This was full of depth and contained some excellent imagery. Well done with this.
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feels like a song with a heavy beat...life as a dream yet fading, another day like slow blues, tragic yet holds one still...we all dance to this tune...winner wrote all over it
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I love the last stanza really hits home to me, A wonderfully written piece.
Bravo
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Wow, I am in love with your repeating line; this is awesome and clings to soul's chat boardlol
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Round up some fabulous thoughts and images and stir them up to make a potent brew!
You did it... and get a big BRAVO from me! 
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really dig the second verse...wow...the whole thing is incredible...love love the end. title reminded me of 'i wanna be well'...you never disappoint, my friend. this is a strong, personal (it seems) write with outstanding language...the artwork kicks ass too. this is a brilliant piece of you....
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this makes me think of life...how we can get into ruts & routine. I am usually pretty good at interpreting your poems...I could be wrong with this one..in any case...I always enjoy your unique style...best of luck in the contest..
..
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Powerful
Well Sweetness this is really powerful.I feel as if the person were waiting for results of some test on their health...I sat like this waiting many times with my sister and it feels that you reached into my heart and pulled out everything I was feeling in those times...I am blessed to be able to gather thoughts into such deep reality of such a pen...
Blessings&Love
~CherylAnn~
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Wow. Lots of emotion in this piece, it's very sad song, but in a soft kind of way, it just gets you. Wonderful imagery as well, the way you wrote this made reading it feel like being in a dream. Definetly one of my favorites so far.
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WOW.. This poem sure packed some meaning and hit home for me.
I love how I can read your stuff more than once and
catch something I didnt catch before.
You are amazing.
Delila
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Perfect! I having nothing else
*bookmarked for study*
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"This dirty mess of strong will
fades away like slow blues," - fabulous.
This made me feel slightly out of focus, like I was waking up or maybe coming out of a stupor - which worked well with the "can you wake me up well" line. Parts of it went by me but they only serve to invite me to read it again and again, to get more from it.
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"Can you wake me up well?
Take this blur of time to spend
making love to dry blood,
please give back the very end."
This stanza in particular is indescribably sad, and it affected me in a way that few poems do. Lovely imagery, and your words really seemed to fit the artwork, I can definitely see myself in that picture feeling the emotions in this piece. Impeccable!
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a good poem, dancing with delusions, aye to that lol i think we are all right in the middle of that crazy one
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