Lovers:
cannot claim a breath, unless they themselves are claimed,
all vital, invited to gently drown, ecstatically;
happy, world-wretched and estranged
all returning to the Ocean...
the "wake!"
by which sleeping hearts are rattled.
Love;
in its self is nothing... it is for Beauty alone.
Delicate; spider moves to web,
saliva to tongue, then teeth direct to bone.
Compassion which kills its wholeness
reaching through conditions.
Wisdom in all kings, glint in the eye of a fool.
No soul can lay claim but many have been claimed.
Fluent in all fluency, swimmers seek their drowning,
lovers lost in rapture and lovers lost in tears
finding... finding:
Lover and Beloved - Beauty;
Beauty moves to Love.
Shaping the pass of all arriving and return;
guidance and medicine, sometimes deep in mistaken spurn.
It has always been; the Substance,
path, desire, desired, desirer
you, me, she, he, it;
... ugly, only is as seen.
In a list
A contest entry
- love... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended May 20, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by Midnight-x-Rose.
2800 points, ended July 2, 2677 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Welcome any sincere response and critique
Comments
1 - 52 of 52
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Finding you has been like finding a beautiful garden path through poetry...this write is amazing. Love, Lane
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Hi Lane
I just wanted to say thank you for such a wonderful comment from you.
You're great!
Sol
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This is what poetry is all about! I liked your work here and I felt the tranquility very good, Vickie
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Thank you for your kind generosity and encouragement Vickie.
I do look forward to returning 'the favour'.
Sol
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Seems like you've been reading Rumi, or at least Coleman Bark's pseudo-translations thereof. There's a hint of Zen here, though I don't see any Chan influence (Zen idealizes Chan).
I'll certainly be amazed if I've guessed right.
On the upside, I see you exploring thought processes that are worth exploring, and could potentially lead you to the discovery and internalization of useful insights.
On the downside, I see a lot of thoughts expressed that I've seen/heard before, without much new being added to them.
There's a touch more imagery used in this poem than in the previous one I looked at, which made it less dry for me to read. But it still had a didactic feel to it, which can tend to shut me down on a poem. Though I think there have been those cases where a didactic poem was so flawlessly executed in a way that provoked me into a lot of heavy reflection, that I found myself enjoying the admonition all the same.
The two poems that come to mind along this vein are "Carry On!" and "The Quitter", both by Robert Service. Different subject matter, but still didactic in nature.
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I like this poem very much. You have to really think about it after reading it. I have read it twice now and each time get more out of it.
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Thank you for your generosity towards my poem Hummingbirdlover.
Sol
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The ending gave me plenty to think about. Some people see ugly some see beautiful.
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Thanks for your comment lemon curd!
Yep'... Let's see the beauty is what I say!
Sol
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Like I said in my IM: "No mouth to ass".
Hopefully I can divulge a useful comment that goes well with this poems accomplishments later on. It did certainly blow my mind. Look for it in my list. I have a feeling a lot of your stuff is going to make it to my list.
Will try to be constructive eventually. Might.
;
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Well I will take that as praise indeed then!
Thank you so much,
and of course I would be even further rewarded at any time, by suggestions or 'bringing to attentions' you might care to make for me.
Sol
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Still got nothing worth critically, but I can tell you right now that where you have used punctuation, including "...", is perfect. There is something here that you have done in the poem that is so refreshing. In the format as well. Guess I did just sort of said what I wouldn't do...
But yes if a bit of a part pops out eventually, I'll mention it and try to help. This poem actually reminded me a Tracy Chapman song called "speak the word"...Look it up if you get the chance.
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indeed a great write. i felt smarter after reading it, it had such a "educated" feel about it. and i think my favorite part would have to be
"No soul can lay claim but many have been claimed."
That one line is so thought-provoking
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Much thanks to you Lowercase.
I like your 'lion'! ... Mmm 'lion-hearted' perhaps.
Sol
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This was a very strong write..
I really liked this..A lot of imagery and emotion
and I really like that.. Love, that emotion and word can create peace and chaos... well don. I see you got the silver as well!!! Well deserved I think! great job!!Thank you very much for sharing something so beautiful..
Angel
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Thank you Jetleena
you are a visiting Angel indeed!
Sol
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I did read this few times before..I don't think I left a comment..I actually loved the reality of your last part:
It has always been; the Substance,
path, desire, desired, desirer
you, me, she, he, it;
... ugly, only is as seen.
Sol, Mashaalah sadiqi this was so powerful and it does bring the question to mind..what is love? you see it in beauty others may see it in other things and the question will always stands still..
Ruby
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Thank you...
You know, I hold it as: 'Love is the movement of Beauty'.
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so amazing
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... Thank you.
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This write is quite powerful. You write with words that are so strong I had to read this a couple of times. Is love always within beauty? There are so many questions and very few answers.
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Thank you
Surely that which loves qualifies what it loves as being beautiful in its eyes; whatever that beloved may be. So this can include all responses, even ones regarded as evil in another's eyes who give it a negative qualification but still in relation to what that one holds to be beautiful rather than this.
Therefore Beauty gives rise to love, love meaning whatever responses are made, ultimately towards the Beauty in All Existence which contains them and that these are always in relation to; as there is no other existence to respond to or to respond.
Hope this may meet you with some bearing on the question, which I thank you for.
Sol
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Love is indeed beauty and you made me think of one of my favourite quotes: "to recognize the beautiful you have to carry the beautiful inside you"...therefore: to love you have to carry love inside you; same way one can never separate passion and compassion.
And love and beauty is all around us...it's only needs to be seen, to be recognized, to be accepted... the "yes" i always refer to. Wonderful writing, Sol - such a creative take on the age-old theme of love! Will we ever tire of writing it of trying to understand or of embracing love's beauty (or is it beauty's love)?
~ Nicolette
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... Yes, I was going to include a quote- 'Love is the movement of Beauty' but used 'Beauty moves to Love' because of it's double meaning, 'Beauty becomes Love by its own movement and also moves us into love... and that this is the same event, which I believe your quote points at.
Much thanks to you
Sol
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"Compassion which kills its wholeness
reaching through conditions.
Wisdom in all kings, glint in the eye of a fool."
and
It has always been; the Substance,
path, desire, desired, desirer
you, me, she, he, it;
...ugly, only is as seen
good verse,but the back ground should please the eyes
it is a good rendition -
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Thank you Purush
The second time that the background has been said to fall short, so you have helped to convince me to amend it. Eventually I hope to paint a background for it.
Thanks for your kind and honest comment.
Sol
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So far, I adore your ability to bring light. The energy that produces such a poetic study of words. I feel the movement in your words really brings out a tone of such beauty.
I was engaged by the end of this. You drew such a unique response to prompt.
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Naridill, thank you for choosing to list this poem, I'm honoured.
I have to ask you, is this anything to do with it being on the 'highlighted list' on the home page as well?
I don't know how this works but am pleased as punch!!!
Sol
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View options; on side of page & nominated for front page.
It isn't to do with my list, but I did nominate it.
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Much thanks to you Naridill!
Sol
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O Attic shape! fair attitude! with brede
Of marble men and maidens overwrought,
With forest branches and the trodden weed;
Thou, silent form! dost tease us out of thought
As doth eternity: Cold Pastoral!
When old age shall this generation waste,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,
'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'
Keats
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Thank you profusely
Keats was indeed a mystic!
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A rareity.
Rarely do I run across something that is thought provoking and smart without going off on a preachy tangent. You were able to accomplish this here. It read like a spoken word piece - although I'm not sure that was necessarily intended. Having said that, I read and re-read trying to find a line that I could adopt as my favorite. I couldn't. Look forward to reading more from you. Be well.
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Your comment is much appreciated Bean Sidhe.
Thank you
Sol
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beautiful thoughts penned into this poem loved it! congrats to you on the silver blessings always~ Trisha~
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Thank you very much
Bless you also.
Sol
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Well a creative concept and the innovative concept is designed to meet the challenge given in the prompt..well done and my thanks for sharing such a amazing piece.....
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Much thanks to you,
I very much enjoyed the 'shaping' of this one as it came about.
Again thank you for providing prompts which are so inspiring and also for generously rewarding my efforts in this way.
Sol
Oh'... My rather strange attire is my make-shift midge and mosquito protection from camping last week in Scotland, and nothing to do with guerilla warfare, honestly! Ha', and you know it worked as well- not one more bite after adopting such silliness.
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My pleasure and thanks to you, for providing us with such truly excellent prompts; Always positive and expansive in potential, with unlimited widths to house whatever degrees we can attempt to reach in response.
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I have said this before but....after reading you I never quite know what to say....I am often left with a loss for words.
Im too busy thinking.... pondering....your poetry gets in....deeper than most. Words weaved seemingly to perfection. This is just another fantastic write, your absolute consistant quality is delivered in every word that hits this screen.
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Jamie, now it's me that doesn't know what to say...
because I think your own writes are truly rare in brilliance, which is why this means more to me, coming from you, than you may realise.
At the same time, what you have said would be very hard to live up to... I am snookered.
Thank you so very much. Sol
PS I like your new photo,
... heh' wait until you see mine that I'm thinking of posting, it's a silly rapid anti-mosquito arrangement from the camping trip I've just returned from.
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Beautiful.
I'm very glad you posted it, and I do like the changes too. Such beautiful words and so insightful. One to revisit again. X
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X
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Nice insight here. Enjoyed it.
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Thanks Sestos!
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Sol...I really love these thoughts you express here. I agree with so many things you're sharing, "beloved",
"loved", "beauty", etc. This is so lovely, and I just really like this! Thanks for giving us the opportunity to read it too!
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You no less than 'magic' me with my thanks, beanbuyer!
Sol
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love is waiting for things like this to arrive and behold the presence of beauty and light
offering not only skin and bone[y] a[rse]ss but a joy in knowing someone's needs and desires through pain and entitled hearts...
this is superb G Man... i do however think some of your spacing is rather out and off kilter... ta!!
love
Gilly.x
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skin and bone[y] a[rse], lol, you're cheeky. LMAO.
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Always open to your advice?! Thanks Gilly, I'm tempted to cheekily hit the 'co-ed button'.
Perhaps I will look again later before leaving... I'm sure I will. X
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the path of love walked by lovers, yet love is the path, that which is seen cannot be seen, touched yet not real, happiness just an illusion but joy over whelms and ugly, only is as seen...
I stand in awe my friend, much thanks for sharing with me:f:f:f
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Much appreciated my friend, I posted this a little bravely against my timid feelings about listing it here. I'm very glad that you approve.
Much thanks, Sol
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