Just a day’s wrack
a day’s sea breezes
dawn to nightfall
keeping a lazy eye
upon the horizon
watching the ships
shift in the water
almost wishing up a storm
I came here from N’awlins
walked under stars
to where the old black-top
crumbled away
and the roof of
a battered shack
leaned
about as sober as I was
I wished I’d brought a guitar
(I don’t play)
so instead
I tossed away
the empty cans of my six-pack
then pitched stones after them
singing
tais-toi chère
c’est jus en rève
the uneven clink
of the pebbles on the cans
making a blue scale
playing
in between the cracks
of life.
Author notes
"Hush, honey, it's just a dream", in Cajun French, kinda. Welcome home, Dalaney.
In a list
A contest entry
- Welcoming Dalaney Home by alexandrathegreat.
1500 points, ended June 10, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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For those who have never wandered the backroads of the Delta your imagery makes them familiar. Through your powerful images we feel the rising heat of the morning, scuffle our feet on the rough pavement and breathe the sour salt of the Delta breezes as though we were at home there and not merely viewing from afar.
The use of imagery is exceptionally adept, vivid without drawing attention to itself as a poetic device, simply transporting us to the place and time you describe. It is only as we wake from the dream of this poem that we understand the hypnotic power of your words.
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lol..excellent..need I say more...Mairi you are an outstanding writer...awesome to say the least...anything of yours I've read is simply amazing...not suprized to see gold here...or on most of your writes...and I know lane...loves your poetry too...congrates on the tin...truly worthy of it poet
Mal
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Thanks Mal.
(Hey... "Mal" was my nickname when I was young!)
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The language in this is astounding. The last lines are beautiful. Sorry it has taken me so long to judge this. Been super busy working.
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I know the feeling!
Thank you so much for your kind comments, and for the trophy.
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nice
nice write for the promp . . liked "leaned about as sober as I was" and "playing in between the cracks of life" . . good luck in the contest . . !!
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Tone and setting -- sublime. Language catches at the tender ear of this dreamer drawing me into the mood and I catch myself nodding in agreement. Nicely done.
Love,
Tom B.
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I knew Lane would love this as I started reading and I see that she did! This is how free verse should be, perfect pauses to take in the scene being shown and shared in. Love it!
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If I was going to write for Lane, I wouldn't dare to present anything that didn't approach "how free verse should be". I have always written free verse, but I REALLY learned to write it from her.
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I couldn't have gotten a better welcome, Cuz
It's good to be here again. Love, Lane
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It's good to have you back.
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I know Lane's going to love this. Your Free verse is wonderful, descriptive and flowing. I saw this contest but the judge has a problem with me so I'll just pass. Best of luck! I love you!
Love,
Amera♥
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Well I'll try to defend the family honour, Sis.
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Very atmospheric, very Deep South and very good. I love it.
Bill
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Thanks Bill. I have no idea where I get my feel for the "Deep South".
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Aye, I knew this was for Dalaney from the first line. Sweetly said with all the right stuff to make her smile and I hope she DOES come back and appreciate her friends. 
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