Your sky-blue satin robe
Was my little boy blanket
At a time when security
Was a man off on his way to prison
When I cut my finger -
- On that can of cat food?
You held my hand under
The sting of cold sink water
It stands out big as felled tree
Smaller than red barn
In the movie called ‘My Mind’
I am sorry that my father
Slept with your sister
Trading your heart for
Stale banana nut bread
Under a burnt out fridge light
Thank you for being
My mother for a couple of
Years, it helped.
That night you left my
Part-time father for good
He let me sleep out in the
Front room with him late
And on the floor -- We watched
The Wolfman with Lon Chaney
I fell asleep in my charming father's chest
The warmth of his breath on my neck
And his dominant smell guarding
Lingering, throughout that boxed house
While next to him I slept almost a baby
I knew then why you and I loved him
I wish he had felt the same
Before the change took place.
Author notes
Written December 19th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Unlimited Prewrites by BlackRaven9.
300 points, ended June 25, 2006, 66 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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I found your page last night, and read through many of your poems. you have such a unique style & voice. this is powerful - enjoyed
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thanks.
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It explains the situation well.
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What a tug at the heart strings. I don't know what to say. very moving and makes me see how good my life has been. Leaving is so hard on the children. Just no way to really understand. It is teaching me that markets are not rational and life is not fair. I took the gold in this contest. Did you read my piece in this contest? I am intrigued by what you might say.
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I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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I've been sitting here for a few minutes struggling to find something to say. What can I say that your poem didn't? I really liked it, that's all I can put for now..
-Arias' Son -
The memories displayed in these are amazing - sounded like a Seamus Heaney type poem, reminded me very much of his style of writing, and as Frog said, 'oh memories follow us through our lives don't they' .... They do indeed.
Excellent poem, and thank you for sharing it with us. -
"I am sorry my father slept with your sister" Isn't it awful when our parents do things shameful like that? Makes one realize that we are ALL human and make mistakes, even our parents...no one is perfect....Excellent work, and love the picture that goes with it! ~Rachel
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Oh memories follow us through our lives don't they. This was so heartfelt I could almost feel your pain and sadness over this event. A very poignant write! Good luck to you in the contest and best wishes always!
~Frog -
"In the movie called my mind" stood out and spoke to me this evening. funny how memories can replace the present when we least expect them to, and thankfully, the tape won't jam, splicing it, or the disc won't crack..they last a lifetime.
I can't add anything to what has already been said, except four little words...Fine Damn Writin' Bud!
Thank you for sharing this and all the best in the contest!
blessings, Sandi
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excellent poem
Your cheering section has covered EVERYTHING. I can't think of anything left to say except this is an "awesome" poem. I'm amazed -- and impressed. -
This poem was wonderful thanks so much for sharing this with us. Keep up the good work and never stop penning...
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Ok, you brought tears to my eyes. I think we all find something to relate to, something that says this is myself in someone else's life. The moment may hold different characters but the moment still exists in my memory as clearly as it exists in the author's. That is what makes you an artist. You find the moment, not the grand sweep, not the entire picture, but each moment's texture and smell. And then you share it, perfectly.
mary -
wow. this is an amazing write. a brilliant mixture of emotions that make me smile, and also have a shadow of sadness pass through. you have captured vividly and beautifully this memory, and written it so that i feel like i'm getting an intimate glimpse into your life. rich imagery fills my mind. a truly heartfelt, lovely write. keep up the fantastic work. thank you so much for entering, and best of luck in the contest <3
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You are human after all, this poem has proved it to me, funny the impression we get of someone reading their poetry, up to now I had a totaly different idea of you, this has changed my mind radically,lovely poem with a lot of soul.
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This is very moving. So much passion. It's wonderful. GREAT job! Thanks for sharing!
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Aw that was very good It sounded fairly child-like too.. like with simple words and stuff. I think that added to the whole effect of the poem xxxx
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Reading your work, I feel as though I am tresspassing on the memories of your life. A fascinating life I might add. You have this way of making the reader feel like you are telling them this story and no one else... not so much telling the reader as allowing them into that corner of your mind. You make a person wnat to reach out and say, "Don't worry, it will all be okay" That is an incredible talent to have. You know how to reach into the very depths and pull out something that will last.
I think the line in this piece that struck a chord with me was
In the movie called "My mind."
I have always felt that I have a continual movie running in my mind of the incredible journies I have been on, complete with soundtrack. So reading that line made me smile.
Anna
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Horus: This is such a sad but yet, beautifully written poem of looking inwards and expressing it outwards. I really don't think I have read anything quite like this from you yet, always the more radical and controversial-right0in-your-face poems (of course which you know I like). Surely worthy of the gold that you captured here. Gregg
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AMAZING TANKA
This was so beautiful and heartfelt. This so deserved the gold. It was a joy to read. Thank you so much for sharing. Take care, Sandy CONGRATULATIONS!
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This is a beautiful, loving poem. The picture is lovely and with this poem, it's obvious that you have a way with words. Excellent poem. Thanks for entering my contest and congratulations on your trophy.
-Emily
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It's wonderful that we're allowed to recall the cozy, beautiful moments amidst all the crap of life.... and to lose ouselves in those moments. It sounds like this temporary Mom was a special lady in your life. Thank goodness for the big things in an otherwise small world.
An excellent write, Jeremi. Your poetry always amazes and astounds me ..and makes me feel humbled.
Dee
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Thanks, that's nice to know.
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A compassionate piece of poetry. I tilt my head and wonder though. This is reality, the moments that stay with us. Good luck with your music. Perhaps I am getting it wrong. I see you here and I smile.
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deeply moving. such a sad feeling came to me while reading this. but how amazing the memories you hold of cut fingers and blue robes and a wonderful person who shared a part of herself. rich in images and emotions. i love this write.
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Strong piece .Good luck.M
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This is tender and touching, and so the horus8 I have grown to love. Very sentimental even with a fragment of underlying hurt andpain. ]
The picture is great! I know that you will be the father that you child needs. Take care my sweet and do what you must to create the best life, especially for yourself, that cutie pie and his mom.
Much Love,
Renee
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I don't know whats sadder...that I have a father I lived with my entire life and have no fond memories of like this, or the fact the Father who gave you this pleasant memory, made a choice that forever changed your life.
Very good write that has made me sigh...
Mary ann -
Very touching. A gentle SPUNA rememberance.
Well done Pilgrim. -
as short lived as it might have been, as least you had a father...but, i can only say that i've had a grandfather, and still do...
this was touching, but at the same time a small hint of regret or even cynism...shone thru...but i think that that's just you.
Nyx... -
Great!
"While next to him, I slept
almost still a baby. I knew then
why you and I loved him.
I wish he had felt the same.
Before the change took place.
But I will always know, you do."
A very nice subject, and you wrote it beautifully. This is a beautiful piece of work, and there is a lot of emotion within it. Keep Writing, you definitely have the talent. -
Excellent!
Horus8,
This is a very good write. Sad, but I liked it. Your feelings felt so strong while reading this poem. The flow was excellent. Good luck to you and thanks for entering.
Smiles always,
Kristina
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Very somber and sad wite with a haunting beauty. I hope that your feelings for them both remain. Very hearfelt free verse. "Your sky blue satin robe was my little boy blanket". This line drew me in and kept me until the end. I could see you as a small child sleeping with your "charming father". I know that feeling. I am my dad's only daughter and even at 30, I still lie my head on his hairy chest and am glad to be engulfed in his warm fatherly arms. Thanks for sharing.
Happy Holidays to you and your family!
Denise
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this write is very beautiful...i like it...
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interesting! !
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i came to your site b/c i saw one of your oh-so-charming comments on another's work..i wanted to see what you are about..i caught a glimpse through this..breathtaking, i hate to admit..unfortunately, very very good.
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