Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

To She Who Isn't Listening Right Now

      You left my rose
  On G-sharp,
 And when I rose
       That same note

   strummed on your harp.



 My heart could not say
   what you've done
    with one key.

 Stay turned away.
  Why fight a dead resistance?
  Why pursue with blind persistence?
No,
    not even a shadow remains;

You've hid your face

 from what may
        bring light to why
         you always chose to deny
      the feelings you had.

       All those free hours,
          Up 'till two,
        You know were spent
           Not for you to never choose.

 

 

 


You felt, but no,
you never chose.
You let that note
do all the talking,

 

a G-sharp...

(of all things,

 of all languages.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • klassy lassy
    May 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    hmmmm! I really like the internal rhyme of this free style poem. The metaphor of the rose, the note, the choice (or not) carries such voice and power in the ache of an "A" relationship gone flat. The connotations of major and minor are thought provoking. It's difficult to compose a heart in harmony when the score is out of tune. ~ KL




  • Princess Perdue gold member
    May 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm sorry to say that I don't clearly understand what this is all about, so find it hard to comment...maybe there is some deep meaning which I'm not picking up..I'll need to read and ponder a little more. Sorry, but good luck anyway.

    Shaz xx


  • Luckintheshadows
    May 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, an extremely thought provoking write...thoroughly enjoyed this!

    Thanks for sharing,

    Luck.


  • rainbow bi trinity
    May 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    she left my rose that was a nice kick liner i think you did a vey great job with this piece i think you should win something


  • Ithica silver member
    May 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I DO like these kinds of poems where the rhyme is unstrictured and the whole poem kind of lilts along musically... I also get the play on words with "G-Note" etc. But will have to read it a few times to see if you accomplished both the double entendre and the the rhythym as a whole...


  • rin-macabre
    May 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    not the best

    a poem should leave a person to wonder, but not to get a head ache. i do not think this poem flowed as nicely as it should have, and i am sorry to say. i give you my bests, but i just do not like it.


  • rufina caraid gold member
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem has a deep resonance but I can’t quite put my finger on the meaning (for me) G-sharp has an obvious, major part to play and I feel that it’s synonymous with ‘someone’ leaving, going away. G-sharp is the link, the Rose left there, and the note [musical] that did all the talking and in a particular language (the language of music I feel) that must have been important to both characters involved here.  I might be way off the mark but this is what I see and consequently after numerous readings I’m happy with my synopsis. Please tell me how far off the mark I am?   Undecided    ~Von


  • Legend silver member
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have to admit to struggling with this one (clearly my failure to understand)Nothing new in that i often do not grasp what is being said.
    Having said that it has something that drags me back to read over and over again.
    For there is something that asks me to look deeper.
    All the very best in the contest Thank you for entering

    A quick question The word "Pursure" in line 11 is it meant to be Pursue?

1 - 8 of 8