Rhythm brings itself upon my home
Plodding like a monotone metronome
Enter this faltered light,plane shattered
Ask Schroedinger if this world mattered
I say, hell has reserved a space for me
For sinning between my blasphemies
But this is no underworld, not now
Yet, there is sweat on my aching brow
Fragmented image, disarray, rearrange
Halted breath, dilated eyes, turn the page
Dark, so dark, yet not devoid of light
There is no moon, and there is no night
Smothering puzzle, strewn before a mirror
Clenching teeth, make it better, clearer
Nothing now, the sun peaks, so high
Enjoy the lust, for the wrath is nigh
Seven deaths for the seven vices
Seven breaths for the coming crisis
The cat's in his box, transcending
Toothy grin, so condescending
Where has it been, this maelstrom?
Why did it come, this hailstorm?
Patchwork, clockwork so ambitious
Strung together it's intent malicious
There is no more breath, no more light
There is no more hope and no more life.
Waiting in the clockwork, unseen
Is a rusted beast, sanguine.
A contest entry
- Prewrite Plethora by TheDemonEve.
1100 points, ended May 30, 2008, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - End times by Walking shadow.
750 points, ended June 11, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetic Masters by Climax.
1600 points, ended August 31, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Deep thinkers, Give me some soul! by Amunet Wolfbane.
900 points, ended August 30, 2008, 22 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Write Appreciation Day 2008 by Kimojuno.
1447 points, ended October 8, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Apocalypse by Cali.
400 points, ended December 16, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This poem is excellently worded, and has some excellent flow (and even some rhyme) to it. I thank you for sharing.
Jeff. -
I love the under tone of this, there is a fire brewing here that is undeniable. Brilliantly woven and very smmoth to read. I could probably leave a novel of a comment here, but I shall keep that to myself for now. Love this. Bravo!
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Hello CptxMorgan.
Lovely images you create with your words. There is a restrained factor in this piece, quite contemplative in the maelstrom, almost like a detached outsider at times. Good piece.
My regards.
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Bristling with anticipation
This one was a real read. The power in this one had me really bristling with anticipation and kept me reading. Not too many poems have the quality of this one. Indeed a very powerful write. You did not need to use a sludge hammer to get out your point but you did it with poetic style.
Good luck and great job.
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as usual,very effectively written.the words seem to captivate the reader. Think i liked this one better than the others.all are well written,but this one seems to have more effect to it. it makes the senses tingle with the feeling of danger and uselessness of hope.
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I enjoyed the seven deaths for the seven vices and seven breaths for the coming crisis and the cat's in his box. This is just fun though I don't understand if there is a real connection with Schroedinger. But then, I would never begin to understand Schroedinger anyway.
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Your vocabulary and background knowledge of your subject is extraordinary. However, the thing that really caught my eye and held it throughout this entire piece was the sense of danger and warning in the background, and also, there was something withheld just beyond the reader's comprehension, and it leaves them with something to wonder about. I especially liked the lines: "Waiting in the clockwork, unseen
Is a rusted beast, sanguine." This is very fine writing.
Best of luck and thanks for entering!
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This is great! I really liked it
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Well. Now I feel like an idiot.
I've always had a slight problem with my vocabulary, as I had a problem in school with it in english and such. However, from what I could understand of this, it sounds vry well thought-out, and well written. I'll probably have to go find my dictionary to get a better understanding of it. 
I loved the rhyme, and the rhyme scheme is different from mine, when I use one. 
Good luck in those contests.
[♠] Qiuyue [♠]
-- Mell --
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