My mother says I will be strong,
But I feel an ache in my chest, a lifetime old.
I know someone,
If only these objects were permanent!
He looked liked something that you would call a grandfather.
And I feel torn from his old bones.
I will challenge this world in spite of his chains!
I will grind the child to my left, under my feet!
And I will live forever,
With no children born of me,
But before I resolve to do this,
First I must sleep.
A contest entry
- Life and Death - Options by Thoughts-of-Soloman.
1750 points, ended May 27, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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'But I feel an ache in my chest, a lifetime old.' -This is surely would be a thing to put high on the list 'to die to'?
'If only these objects were permanent!' - I entirely disagree and thank God that they are not!
'And I feel torn from his old bones.' - Great description! Favourite line in fact.
The rest of the poem I find a little disturbing!!! In fact as I find all of it.
Who is the 'child to your left'?
And what is this 'I' which you would have live forever?
I see no reasons here why it would want to!
All seems like a dark shroud over you, which I would throw off immediately!
I hope I'm just not getting this, I find no humour, only words from an angry and vengeful victimhood. It reads like an illness.
Am I missing something?
If so, please explain... I would much like and also be relieved to hear it... I think?
Sol
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Thank you for commenting. The poem is about a child who is ashamed of his family. He feels like he has to carry the weights of things they have done. He resolve to succeed "In spite of his chains". The "child to my left" is referencing how society always seems to teach children to be be better than everyone else and to be in constant stae of competition with each other. The child wants to live forever because of the desire to be greater than his forefathers.
You should'nt be worried about my feelings. I'm quite happy and I have a good relationship with my family. My poems represent small fragments of me, often blown out of proportion.
thanks, Zork -
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Thanks for the clarification Zork... you did have me a little worried
All the best
Sol
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a very short piece, that had some nice imagery in it, although it doesn't really fit the conceptulisation of the contest, i will say many thanks for entering and trying to work it out
i will say, that the achings of loss and grief, can appear in many forms, and i wish you well in whatever makes you feel so sad.....
be well and take gentle care of you
many thanks for entering our contest
G.x
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