My oh my, the mess you make
Crumbling at the dawn of break
Pouring out through piled peaks
Where the swallowed silence speaks
Why oh why the waifish wait
Sitting on a case of hate?
And, when grace is to their left
Righteous qualms are rendered deaf
Now oh now, you spill your guts
Over milk and paper cuts
Wondering why you seem a fool
Ranting, raving, dribbling drool
How oh how do you expect
Sense and strength to intersect,
When every time you’re made a mat
You bite your tongue and tip your hat?
A contest entry
- Prime. Rhyme . Time (Must vote contest) by Legend.
2000 points, ended May 25, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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I can relate to this. Will you be my partner at an assertiveness training seminar? This is very well rhymed and well thought out. I love "Crumbling at the dawn of break", and the rest as well.
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a nice lively poem.. interesting with every line
I see u havent used the usual words people use for rhyme.. thats really good for going that xtra step
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Ouch! What rude awakenings we give ourselves.
We are often taught at a young age to hold our peace, to not be rude, so the rant comes over little things to let off steam with an ulterior motive.
Those we'd really like to shake until their teeth rattle, have no trouble at all being rude and insensitive.
Loved the message in this well penned poem!
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Love this write! Can't say enough, so will leave it at that!
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A nice poem....I enjoyed the fhyme and flow, and I really especially liked the way you started each stanza....I think thats very original!!!
Thanks for sharing this,
Luck. -
DEfinately different.I love the term Waitfish.Good job, Ros
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wow i really enjoyed this it was like so shocking to read such a good poem it was inspirational best wishes to you in the contest
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If you don't stand up for yourself... nobody else will either after a while... I for one finally got tired of people wiping their feet on me... Grrr!!! hehe! This is a rhyme with a purpose!!!
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i think that...
this so far is my favorite.
i like this one very much, and i think i might vote for you. this is great,[but your name is not in the author notes!]
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Your poem touches me in a way I can't quite put my finger on, but isn't that what poetry does. I really like the last four lines, sums it up nicely.
"Why oh Why the Waifish Wait" very good line. -
Very nicely done!....great flow and rhyme throughout the whole piece. Well done and good luck in the contest with this excellent entry.
Shaz xx
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I'll come back - revision (yay). Exams start in 2 days time (yay) lol
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You're a clever chap, you should pass with flying colors. Good luck though, all the same.
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Lol, thanks
Though with exams, it's more about being able to deal with exam-style question, than any really "helpful-in-the-real-world" intelligence
Not that I have that either
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I read this from a different aspect to Von, I tend to be one who all to often says what i feel and think , sometime not caring that it may hurt others.
Strangely also like Von i regret having done so ( or in her case not having done so)
I like this piece It has a nice flow to it and the rhyme is almost perfect
Good luck in the contest Thank you for entering
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Thanks, I'm glad you like it and can still relate, even if you feel like you're on the opposite side of the spectrum. I figure the one thing that unites instrinsically good people is regret. Sometimes we say things we don't mean, or mean to say things we don't, but we're all pretty much the same when it comes to wishing we could go back and do things differently.
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First impressions: is a person who needs to say 'something' but instead says nothing at all. The final 2 lines completes the picture. The speaker of the poem shows great frustration as he/she can see how the 'other' person is treated [and allows themselves to be treated so]. Raving over small happenings and incidents, which are easy to deal with and get over but not the big things in life ie: Lack of respect.
I'm rambling I know but this poem has made an impact on me as I don't always speak my mind at the right time and regret it later and 'I should have said' rears its head. I supose I can see me in your poem. Well Done! ~Von -
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Thank you, I appreciate your comment. I wrote this poem to and about myself, so it is wonderful to have someone relate to it so strongly. Your synopsis is pretty much dead on.
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