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The human flea

Gaia squirms beneath,
her skin erupts and shifts
her wounds laid open to the infection
of  man kinds advancements.

She was a gracious host,

begged we take only as needed,
the old tribes of the world listened-
new society took advantage.

Parasites cling to her
feeding off her body,
sucking her lifeblood,
removing her protection.

Though she revolts and scratches
though her weathers change
she cannot shake loose
the common human flea.

Her salvation plummets through the cosmos
unheeding of her plight.
She tries with all her strength
to get into its path.

 

Terminal as she is she wishes:

a quick end, not a slow death

beneath the feet, under the yoke

of a world that cannot afford to care.

Author notes

this is what your contest inspired. i leave it to you to decide if it was good or not.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13
  • hotpinkblossomluv
    May 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It's a good poem, however, it is not what I am looking for in this contest. I am looking for personal matters, something that speaks from the soul and comes from experience. Thank you for your entry.


  • VcWhit
    May 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this sure does stimulate a lot of thought. If the earth could talk Im sure she would say something similar to this


  • WingedWolf
    May 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    well, i think it's good. interesting, but very insightful. you have a way of making one think. great job and good luck in that contest.


  • myrataal silver member
    May 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Ah. I love nature ...

    and I cry with Mother Earth ...

    Your poem makes me sad, but: I am also happy, for: there will come a rejuvenated Gaia ... And all will be restored.



    Blessed be, Poet
    Myra


  • polly filla
    May 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ps; especially like the line "beneath the feet"

    I used to sing something years ago with a similar line (I can feel the concrete/beneath my feet/muffle the vibrations/and deaden the sounds/of Mother's enemy...)

    now excuse me for blethering...

  • polly filla
    May 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    thanks; and of course it's good, it's inspired!

    one thing; in my opinion, this poem could be stronger if you took some of the 'and'/'to'/'the's out...let me show you what I mean with one of your verses;

    Gaia squirms beneath,
    her skin erupts, shifts,
    laid open to infection
    wounds (man kind's) advancements.

    excuse me for the rude shuffle, but as I do it to my own stuff, and think it works sometimes, I thought I'd share...remember I'm an idiot!

    yet, one that enjoys this poem. I won't talk about your content, because it's sublime

    thanks again


    • Ogreatbaldone gold member
      May 9, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      I made some changes to the piece- took out some ands- not quite the edit you mentioned but I think it works, thanks for the comment on this piece. glad you liked it. no excuses needed for the shuffle I alway welcome positive feedback...peace

      • polly filla
        May 9, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I can't access your previous version to see exactly what you've done, but reading this version, it seems neater

        I'm glad you didn't copy what I used to show you what I meant; after all, it's your thing, only you can decide what goes where

        I'd never have guessed it was you! It's a very sensitive piece...dare I say it; feminine in it's rendering

        double well done, dude!

        • Ogreatbaldone gold member
          May 9, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          I'd never have guessed it was you! It's a very sensitive piece...dare I say it; feminine in it's rendering

          what you dont think I am sensitve?

          I have been told before that my writing is a bit feminine- oh well cant be a tough guy all the time...ooops damn!! just broke a nail


          • polly filla
            May 9, 2008

            Edit | Reply
            I admire that; people who can think outside the box can go beyond the gender issue

            • Ogreatbaldone gold member
              May 9, 2008
              Edit | Reply
              I have written a few pieces from the female perspective...its not easy to do for a guy thats for sure. but of the ones I have written from teh female perspective I am happy with most if not all of them.


            • Ogreatbaldone gold member
              May 9, 2008
              Edit | Reply
              yes, my writing is trans-gendered.Edna would be proud


        • Ogreatbaldone gold member
          May 9, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          I did as you suggested and removed some of the ands and thes it is crisper now, thanks to you...peace

1 - 13 of 13