January 2nd, 9 month visit -
silence.
ultrasound discloses small heart
entirely at rest.
Induction scheduled for 4th,
as irrational neurons clamored
“Not on my birthday! Not
for every year
for the rest of my life!”
Angry,
so angry
at a God who could assent
to this in my life,
turning my back
on His ever-outstretched hand,
weeping anew
at each well-meaning
“It’s not like you lost
a child you really knew.”
Breaking down the crib,
returning freshly washed
newborn clothes
to storage boxes.
Three other children
with needs to be met,
a husband whose grief
he tried to bury in extra work,
kind neighbors.
If the world could just
stop turning
until I get myself
sorted out!
Snowy graveside,
mingling of heaven’s tears
with my own.
Spring peeking into my
winter soul,
Summer striving to melt;
little ruby reminders
I’ll deal with AFTER we get back
from family vacation.
Gangrenous piece
of retained placenta removed,
uterus accidentally perforated,
serious sepsis followed.
New, harsh antibiotics,
a teetering balance
that tipped to staying,
with after-effects.
Love, prayers, work,
treasuring time together ~
for life is fragile
and sweet.
A contest entry
- Twenty Seven by Judith Chandler.
525 points, ended May 11, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Oh, Honey, you had to go through so much. A real, honest poignant poem; beautifully written. Especially love this stanza:
"Snowy graveside,
mingling of heaven’s tears
with my own.
Spring peeking into my
winter soul,
Summer striving to melt;
little ruby reminders
I’ll deal with AFTER we get back
from family vacation."
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Made me cry, too. 
You have a little angel in Heaven who is waiting for you. 
Your poem is one of the most tender, poignant and loving poems ever written by a mother. 
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Thank you, Melodies. Yes, it is a great motivation to become a soul who will fit in where she is already at Home.
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This is the first poem I've read, ever, that has made me cry.
Empathy! Relation. The description of your experience exactly reflects what my fiance and I are going through. Our baby was 3 and a half months old. He died in February.
People compare it to a miscarriage, but the fact is, no matter _how_ to lose your child, you're still losing your child. It's just as painful, no matter how or when or how far along or anything.
Back to your poem: very powerful and well-written. It gives me hope that I'll make it through.
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Heavy load to carry on youthful shoulders for sure! Yet,there must be a reason for every turn,turn,turn. So they tell me anyway. I'm sorry to hear such hardships befell a youthful mother and wife,also family strain I'm sure. You are not alone in this event. That doesn't help,I know to be aware of. Honest appraisal of youthful events.
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Thank you, suseann. I truly believe we will face nothing in this life that we cannot bear with God's help. He knows us better than we do ourselves; we are His children. Sometimes it is amazing how much He trusts us. His love is always reaching for us.
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You almost had me in tears. What a hard time that must have been. You convey it well, not only the pain of losing your baby but the physical aftereffects you went through.
You also made me think about how slowly time goes after something like that.
Thank you for your submission to my contest. -
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Thank you, judyjudyjudy. It took a lot longer than I anticipated. Unrealistically, I expected some sort of professional discount on grieving, having worked as a nurse for many years. It did not happen that way for me. I had a lot of growing up to do. And lots still to go!
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This is a crushing poem, very bravely and beautifully written, describing one of those defining moments in life where you realize, through suffering, a greater appreciation of joys to come. Thank you for sharing this experience and this powerful poetry.
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Yes, it was a pivotal life point for me. So much I had taken for granted. It was like changing magnifications on a microscope. You're still looking at the 'same' thing, but it's an entirely different picture!
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Wow, this is so awesomely captivated, so aptly caught, succinctly and beautifully...amazing how one can take their pain to heights unfathomable lol
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Thank you, 2lullabyehaven. There is so much we learn from contrast. Who notices a 10 watt bulb in the corner at noonday? Yet it can be a beacon of hope and promise of fellowship, shelter, and possibly warmth in the darkest, chillest, loneliest hours. I firmly believe there are joys and rejoicing as lofty as our deepest distresses and agonies are unfathomable.
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