the darkness closes in , she cant go on anymore
It seeps unto her bleeding through door after door
The darkness of death then bleeds through to the goal
it sniggers with delight seeing her barley beating soul
It hears what others cant- her pain that screams aloud
Finally reaching her judgment it weaves its deadly shroud
Fingers closing over the heavenly blade of relief
It bites into her hard- She pulls back in release
It sees her weakness scowling in shame
it harshly reminds her that only she is to blame
Grabbing her knife morbid decision now made
She tests the point the fine art of the blade
It smells with a smile the blood she cuts free
Nice but not enough the darkness urges with glee
She looks at the crimson dripping from her thigh
She aims next for her wrist and digs in with a cry
It tastes as her soul starts to gush through her wrists
It glows Smiling at the new guest to the suicide lists
She waits for the blood loss to take its toll
She cries, breaking away from all self-control
It feels her mind and body shake and fully give in
The darkness now knows that it finally did win
Her body becomes cold dyed in her own crimson lie
A sad girl, only sixteen when she had chosen to die
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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thankyou so so so much for your review!! it means so so so much to me =^.^=
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I'm truly blown away by this poem it's amazing You got me loving this poem I can't stop reading it, it's outstanding, like the flow your words speak volumes superb, Keep up writing like this because it's shows very much your talent.
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i loved this poem, i can relate, i just recently tried to kill my self but was interupted by my best guyfriend(not boyfriend), he's helping me get through the crap in my life, and thankfully he wont tell anyone unless it gets worse. The poem sends a great message, keep writing.
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This is great. I can really relate. That rhymed... lol, yay! No, I really like this and it fits my life well.
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this is really great. it shows how horrible it feels when you want to die
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O my gosh, I really totally love this poem you made!!!
it's amazing, and I think that some people might learn from this poem. good message!
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Welcome to allpoetry
Suicide and cutting poems are ones that I dislike reading, so I will not comment on content. I will say though that underlining and italicizing is a bit much in my opinion, either or would have been fine. I don't really understand the dash at the end of each of the first lines of the rhyming couplets and in your second stanza 'goal' doesn't really fit. Otherwise good flow and structure.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy
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