Now that you're home
My night skies come violet,
restless.
and still you smell of war,
Darling, should've left the blood
On the battlefield.
I am a woman
but it's not in my best interest to
Lay on my back and pop out your children
Fix you pot roast,
Then take you're silent beatings.
One May afternoon brought you back alive
I must admit
you're much sweeter dead in my mind.
and I'm sure, the scars have shaped you
-the fallen have marked your days,
haunted your sleep
but you won't dream in my bed.
it's been along time
having you under my skin
-you're just another casualty
with blood on his lips
Author notes
my decade was the 1950's
my title is a Frank Sinatra song from this era
and my inspiration was the end of World War II
I used it metaphorically to display someone coming back into your life, when they aren't necessarily wanted there. They bring all their baggage and issues and they hurt until you just can't deal with being their doormat any longer.
=]
PS: I'm a total ass who has no control over her emotions. Thank you again and again and again Tyler
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 8: Round 6 - Top 10 by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended May 11, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
this is for me
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Its random as fuck.. But i like it. Nice poem very interesting. I was entertained for like 15 whole seconds lol. Really cool poem/subject matter. Keep it up kid your a genius!
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This was okay for me. I think it's your weakest poem so far in the contest, but still - this is good.
I think you told more than you showed. There weren't any spots with really strong imagery. The overall concept was alright.
I thought the first stanza was your strongest, but the rest of it seemed rushed. I wish the rest of it was as strong as your opening.
You are much better than this. -
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Tyler
Thanks for the comment and the your input. I'm sorry I didn't put as much into this as I should have =[
But thanks for reading anyway =] -
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It's alright - hopefully things will get better for you. :]
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i am in love with this piece!! it was well written, well constructed, and conveyed your point perfectly. good luck in idol ♥!!
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This might be one of your best love.
I think you really did connect the idea that this man/solider coming home from WWII really did lose his mind...and became someone else no one can relate too.
My favorite lines:
"you're just another casualty
with blood on his lips "
Perfect ending...anyways good luck in the contest
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