She came across some misty borderland
And said that gender was a thing unknown.
They all ate manna from the warm wind blown
That fell on valleys, hills, down to the strand.
She smiled and took me shyly by the hand
Though as we walked I found that I was prone
To leave this child, a woman scarcely grown,
I felt her presence we could not withstand.
For poverty would end and war would cease,
And all our arms and swords would turn to ploughs.
I’d watch the state all prisoners release,
Men and women exchange true wedding vows.
Such awful things now swirled inside my head,
I left her in the tall grass cold and dead.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Oh this is dark; I like it! You should do more in the dark genre, you're very good at it. Bravo!
Love,
Amera♥
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wow the use of words in this is really good i like how you put then togther and how the words flowed. this is very well writen and the last line is the best one. keep up the good writing ~brook
. Rewarded 4
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You've twisted the tall tale and now must pay the price. You're now face to face with the end and the high price. A good poem is in the making a bad one still to write. Put ink to quill and get taking the claps from many tonight.
. Rewarded 4
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Chilling final line. Love all the biblical allusions, along with the strong use of language and image. A very impressive write to be proud of.
. Rewarded 4
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The ending was haunting and strong! A brilliantly written poem! Well done with this Michael.
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YOU KILLED HER???
Blimey... sure surprised me at the end. 
Amazing poem with rhyme and images that captivated me from the start. 
At the end when the 'lil is dead, I thought of her being suddenly erased, poor thing. 
lol
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