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Intruder

She came across some misty borderland
And said that gender was a thing unknown.
They all ate manna from the warm wind blown
That fell on valleys, hills, down to the strand.
She smiled and took me shyly by the hand
Though as we walked I found that I was prone
To leave this child, a woman scarcely grown,
I felt her presence we could not withstand.

For poverty would end and war would cease,
And all our arms and swords would turn to ploughs.
I’d watch the state all prisoners release,
Men and women exchange true wedding vows.
Such awful things now swirled inside my head,
I left her in the tall grass cold and dead.

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Ellis gold member
    August 29

    Edit | Reply
    I am glad I'm not a human,
    but YOU, Intruder, are the worst,
    the worst human I've seen illumine,
    all humanity's evil thirst.

    You would kill all human goodness,
    take apart what's good already,
    further slow slow human progress,
    insure evil growth is steady.

    Humans have enough to deal with
    without you being in their midst.
    They need one who will uplift.
    Go away, I must insist.


    Tiki Cat, Head of Cat Government in the United States

    Buy my Tiki's Gourmet Cat Food
    "Too Good For Humans"


  • TravisF
    July 11
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Very good, haunting really.

  • I see what you mean about L12. . . a wonderful sonnet, mike, my friend - I agree with what Dannie says. . .and you were right to withdraw it - if the editor doesn't get it, then don't bother. . .

    ♠ Lady Elinor

  • Wonderfully Powerful

    You know my mind hung on the subject of it is lovely, but oh the narrator, how wretchedly sad. There is so much conflicting in this poem, so much promise and then rejection of it that it is extremely stirring! , Dannie


  • Amera gold member
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh this is dark; I like it! You should do more in the dark genre, you're very good at it. Bravo!

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • Brooklynn Tainted gold member
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow the use of words in this is really good i like how you put then togther and how the words flowed. this is very well writen and the last line is the best one. keep up the good writing ~brook


  • Chuck Johnson silver member
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You've twisted the tall tale and now must pay the price. You're now face to face with the end and the high price. A good poem is in the making a bad one still to write. Put ink to quill and get taking the claps from many tonight.

  • JWGoethe
    May 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Chilling final line. Love all the biblical allusions, along with the strong use of language and image. A very impressive write to be proud of.


  • Kiran silver member
    May 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The ending was haunting and strong! A brilliantly written poem! Well done with this Michael.


  • Melodies
    May 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    YOU KILLED HER???

    Blimey... sure surprised me at the end. Amazing poem with rhyme and images that captivated me from the start. At the end when the 'lil is dead, I thought of her being suddenly erased, poor thing.

    lol

1 - 10 of 10