The Earth quenches her thirst
from surges of torture.
Currents drift lightly calm,
thoughts lazily whistle.
Cool aroma chatters,
enchanting life’s pleasures.
Painting images grace
along landscapes moments.
Serenity settles...
Author notes
Prompt~something about water - specifically about a river, creek or brook - NOT an ocean, lake, pond, puddle or pool.
The twist? Do not use the following words: (or any form of them)
blue, gray, brown
winds/winding
babbles/babbling/babble
A contest entry
- Moving Water by RedAquarius.
425 points, ended May 13, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Heavy Hearted !!!!
Comments
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The second quatrain is very strong, with delightful imagery (especially cool aroma chattering and landscape moments) and it outshines the first quatrain. I'm not sure I'd do to strengthen it but I think part of it - for me - is I don't really conenct withthe first two lines.
Earth is no longer thirsty because it managed a few gulps of freedom? It seems to imply the Earth is trying to break free - therefore is not serene, so belies the final line. It may just be a simple word change or I may be interpreting it wrong (feel free to correct me!
but this is how it reads to me, currently.
Still as I said, 2nd portion is very very strong and enjoyable. Thanks for entering the contest! -
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Thanks hun for pointing that out...I have changed the word freedom to torture...Not even realizing what I had done...As that was the word that was meant to go there to start with...Sorry!
Thanks for reading
Blessings
~CherylAnn~
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good imagery here that is good for the contest,I think...soft and serene...very well done...love-your secret admirer
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This is so beautiful! I wish that free verse came easy for me because those last three lines are so appealing..
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