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my invisible window

beneath this hardened exterior
of battle axes and buried hatchets
a hidden enigma has been waiting impatiently
begging to be released

peer through my invisible window
watch it dance feverishly
like a leaf stuck in a whirlwind

you could even try to open the window
if your inquisitiveness entices you
but beware
the wooden frame is stuck pretty well


once freed from it’s cage
would the enigma then embrace newfound freedom?

or just swirl around in frenzied circles
itching to be recaptured?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

be thoughtful, tactful and HONEST!

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    May 19, 2008

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    Ohhh.. now that is thought provoking!! I wonder about those things too if we really released what's behind the exterior..

    Awesome write! Congrats on bronze!

  • Tlr051408
    May 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I raced to the end of the poem, captured. And the last two lines made me freeze. It took me a minute to break from the reverie - the stillness - you left me in, the identification I felt - that you expressed perfectly where I never EVER could....and then I read it again and again and again. Amazing.


  • eltortedequeso
    May 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ooh! the personification here is great! The image of the leaf swirling and dancing is perfect, it may stand still for a second, and then when you try to go for it, it picks up again, teasing, dancing away. great write!!!


  • Pursed Poker Lips
    May 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'beneath this hardened exterior
    of battle axes and buried hatchets
    a hidden enigma has been waiting impatiently
    begging to be released'
    Those first lines remind me of something said in the movie V for Vendetta. Hmm. I love everything else though, very powerful in diction and with imagery.
    -BON*BON


  • Akimbo
    May 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this... powerful, artistically graphic and thought provoking.
    Kudos, Kj


  • Kari gold member
    May 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was just incredible..no other words can describe it! :F


  • bozoloper
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you're closing is very strong. i like the questions, it leaves the reader more room for interpretation. i like your line breaks, limits the need for puncuation, the pieces moves from begining to end very well!


    • background music
      May 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks! another one I am unsure about... I am glad the lack of puncutation in this does not detract from piece... always unconfident when I try a different style


  • Lucy.
    May 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting take on the prompt and great imagery. Good luck in the contest.

1 - 12 of 12