Eons I have existed
Small but bubbly I journey
Seeking the Sunlight and Fresh breeze
Flowing through darkness underground
Suddenly I sense dim light and soft breeze
My senses are overwhelmed by Sunshine
Out into the World I flow
Banks of lush greenery smile and wave
Rocks and earth form my “bed”
Sunshine blesses my existence
My journey now I understand
I am a stream through lush woodland
My fish jump, swim and Live in my clean flow
My waters tend deer and wildlife
Yet, I am ever flowing
I love my woodland Life
Yet I realize I am destined for MORE
My flow continues pre-destined
I suddenly hear water rushing in the distance
My destiny complete as I join the mighty rivers majesty
Author notes
Many thanks to Eusebius for a little "tweek" -- I agree it reads smoother...
A contest entry
- Moving Water by RedAquarius.
425 points, ended May 13, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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bravo
An excellent antrhopomorphic poem! Brilliantly concieved and so very wonderfully executed, indeed! I loved, loved it! bravo... bravo... bravo...
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mmm some wonderful imagery held within this write.
a joy to read and a joy to feel it within your words.
Blessings,
Frozentearz -
Excellent
What a perfectly penned piece of poetry Lady D.
Well done. Keep up with the great work. Keep on penning.
Thank you so very much for sharing your wonderful talents with us.
*S* Cynthia
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Very good nature poem
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This is a wonderful story in poetic form, giving life to a stream before it merges with the river. Your imagery is so beautiful and soft. I love to sit by streams, and you have taken me right there. I am fishing again, and wading across on the tiny rocks. Wonderful writing.
Shana
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I don't think you needed to " " bed, it's understood that waters run in them. I also question the capitalization of every single line and random words in the lines, however that is my own personal preference so I won't count it against.
I love the imagery of greenery waving and smiling and can easily visualize a riverbank with high grass in the wind (waving). Still, for me, it's mostly a telling poem - you are telling me what you are rather than showing me. That greenery fragment shows.
The ending, too, is good - there you begin to show, by advising the reader there is more to you than meets the eye. Pretty good overall. Thank you for entering the contest! -
Nothing better than a fresh mountain stream. I was sitting on the shore listening to you gurgle and splash. I love nature poems.
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