A quiet argument of worth
Deserving of a touch [most envied] or not?
I might as well be a goddess,
the way you're begging me.
Far from his first, and mine [in his mind]
my experience or, lack there of, is galaxies away
from our agressive tongue&teeth combo
after the initial, soft carress.
Winning over my unsure decision,
'til the last trace of doubt is removed.
I might as well be on top of the world,
the way you're effecting me.
And with your hands about my neck,
interested people stop for a smoke;
your groping hands working the unseen,
and your lips whispering what you'll do.
Praying the lot will empty again,
the warmth I felt disolving on the cold cement.
I might as well be Cinderella,
cause, honey,
we're all out of time.
Author notes
Eh, it's kind of odd I guess.
But so were we.
My first kiss wasn't one of those beautiful, faery-tale things you always hear about.
We'd been having phone sex for a week when he saw me at the mall and we went out the East Entrance.
(We were out there until it closed- for about an hour)
A lot of people kind of thought I was a whore back then and I'd never even been kissed.
There were a lot of people that wanted anything I had to offer, but he was safe enough to be the first one.
I can still remember plain as day how irritated we'd get when people came out that rarely used entrance.
&& There really were people that stopped to have a smoke and watch.
But when he [Nick was his name] was choking me, this one guy, far better looking than him stopped to talk to us for what felt like forever.
Good times!
Enjoy.
- Allura
A contest entry
- Your First Kiss by Shancy Fayre.
415 points, ended May 19, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Insane
Really good write. definitely blew me away, and the notes defnitely give the reader better insight. Keep writing, imsure you can accomplish great things. plus you'e a musician, yu rock =p.
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That is an excellent comment.
You totally just made my day. Thank you very much!
I'll definitely be returning the favour. <3
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Interesting write
And you got gold. Wow....where have I been hey? Not your typical fairytale, toe curling first-kiss story ; almost a satirical quality to it.Enjoyable though-especially because it is based on fact and not a whimsical attempt at idealism.
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Whoa! You appeared.
I've been gone too, hun, definitely not just you going, "Where have I been?" Lol.
Thanks. xD
I was really quite shocked a month after writing this that I wrote it, I had no memory of it whatsoever, and thus I was even more shocked when I learned I got a gold for it.
How are you, loves?
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Beautiful piece, darling
This wonderfully captures the different thoughts and feelings that you were going through. This is a lovely snapshot of a moment you never really forget.
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Lol, thanks.
I was just bored and entering a contest, I never really thought anyone would like this, much less that it would win me my first gold in like a year, haha.
But seriously, babes, thank you. <3
Love and kisses,
Allura
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"I might as well be a goddess,
the way you're begging me."
Ahahah, Power is beauty, eh?
I love this line, and the comparison, obviously.
"from our agressive tongue&teeth combo
after the initial, soft carress."
Ahahahah.
I just found that funny.
"I might as well be on top of the world,
the way you're effecting me."
Awwwwe.
(:
"And with your hands about my neck,
interested people stop for a smoke;
your groping hands working the unseen,
and your lips whispering what you'll do"
Wowww.
o.O
"
I might as well be Cinderella,
cause, honey,
we're all out of time. "
Perfect.
Perfect perfect ending.
It just.. matched so beautifully with the whole piece.
Like, the tempo and all and then suddenly it's just over.
God, you're good.
lmao.
Phone sex before a first kiss? o.O
How does that work out.
lol. You better not read my first kiss poems compared to this, then. xD
We haven't talked in forever!
What's goin' on?!
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Haha, OMG I've missed you.
Thank you so much for this comment. It means a lot.
This poem was the most natural thing I've written in a year, it was nice.
Haha, yeah, the tongue&teeth combo thing is supposed to be humorous.
Love that you liked the ending best, cause so do I! xD
It was soooo hillarious when he was choking me and someone came for a smoke, and then to chat it up with us, hahah.
Yeah, we met on MySpace, had phone sex for a week, met up at the mall and there you have it. Lol. xD
Haha, where are they?! I wanna see.
I have to go to the gayest school now. I've been kicked out and dropped out so many times I'm finally truly fucked, haha. We have to wear red, white, or blue polos, and the guy that does chapel can't quit staring at my chest- not totally his fault, since the buttons keep popping open, but still, omg! Lol.
How are you? Did you go to Europe? How's the business world? xD Get back to me.
Ooo, text me. (901) 590-7129
- Allura
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This is a very interesting take on a first kiss. I love everything about it. Your writing is interesting perhaps to the point of almost being spellbinding. Good job. Good luck in the contest. Shancy.
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Thank you so much.
My internet was down for a while and I didn't see my comments or trophy until now. xD
I really enjoyed writing this. It was the easiest thing for me to write of anything I've done in months.
Much love; many kisses.
Allura
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ah first kisses. my goodness.
"A lot of people kind of thought I was a whore back then and I'd never even been kissed."
That so sounds like me too. before I had kissed [cuz the real first time is something I'd like not to count] everyone thought I had had an abortion. but I guess that's what happens when you're in a hospital for a month and nobody knows where you went. and by the looks of this poem, after your first kiss you were willing to be so much more sexual active which happened to me too. it was like that night my libido just went crazy.
anywayzzz
I really liked this. yepp yepp I did I did. I liked the way the lines are spaced and how it seems to be clips of thoughts, not a memory straight through. It was kind of like remembering pieces of a night after you got trashed and you know it was real but when you woke up in the morning it felt like it happened weeks ago and things are hazy. yeah I loved that feel this poem had.
my god, it looks like I wrote you an essay.
Loveyooo babe
xoxo
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Wow, I went so long without internet I didn't even know about the comments on this piece, or my gold trophy. xD
Haha, yay, someone's a weirdo like me. I'm pretty sure I got the sex talk when I was like four, and I always like watched porn and read/wrote erotica, and it was enough for a while. After that first kiss I totally just like exploded into a nympho storm! Lol. That night alone I went further than most of my friends did for years.
Interesting... I'm glad you like that feel/style. Almost all of my writing is like little serial-killer-esque clippings, and I have to come back later and organize it, but this time I didn't and it came out well. xD
Love and kisses.
[Again, Sorry it took me so long to get back to you]
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