His heart displayed affection-
hers was only cold,
The decorations for christmas; torn.
In their place she screamed.
Her voice cracking; an emotion?
he still loved her.
The red and green; stone grey,
Their children whisper-
"is mum insane?"
Their expressions plastered,
an illusion of hope,
he still held her close- as she clawed.
His heart tore through pity and strife,
A face stretched-
beyond a well rehearsed smile.
The children remember-
Mum drew the knife,
As she bled on the cold floor-
before he came home.
.
.
.
A contest entry
- Anything you want by MrCrepsley.
600 points, ended September 10, 2008, 195 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abused??? Let it known! Scream it out, tell the world about it. by starving-to-survive.
1700 points, ended February 3, 99 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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omg
this is sooo sad but i love it and if u experaniced this then im really sorrry and this poem it fulll of emotion
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oh my god
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Wow, erm i dont even know what to say here. Your words ae so powerful and full of emotion. This is an incredible write. Your words hit me hard.
I am so sorry you have had to experience such pain and trauma.
Thank you so much for entering my contest, if you ever need to talk i am here for you -
Indeed, I agree with SpiritMother. You have penned this tale with an eloquence and maturity far beyond your years. I hope there's nothing too personal here... Well done, and congrats on the shiny gold trophy!
Laura, aka Immortal
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Wow, such expression from one so young in years but so full of wisdom. Life is not always fair by any means but based upon a loving foundation, most things can be stablized. Love the read..quite impressive. Keep writing!
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thank you so much for the support
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Wow, scary. Fantastic write.
Love it.
Dani. -
Oh so full of emotion and depth
that exceeds an ocean.
Very powerful & tugs at the heart.
These lines really touched me most
"His heart tore through pity and strife,
A face stretched-
beyond a well rehearsed smile."
--For a child to envision their mother killing herself.. has to be one of the hardest experiences a child would ever go through.
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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Oh so sad
If only they could see what they are doing but often the drugs blinds them and all they feel is need for morw as their faamily shutters in pain shared forever more .Such a sad reallity for so many today -
wow this was deep and flowing with emotion
great write
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I had to read through this twice to finally understand it, but it is a beautifully sad piece and is written well. Though suicide is never the answer and some people would consider some one weak for taking their own life and it may be true for is takes a strong person to continue on through life and face all the trials and hardships set in front of us.
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Oh my goodness
I cry for the people of today so lost to life as they dwell with the drugs of the world and feel their is no way out .When an addict gets to a certain point they no longer have the thoughts needed to save themselves and the public so needs to take the upper hand and see they are healed of this dreaded disease. Yes a fisease thats taking our homes and families and turning them inside out .Please I beg of you please get help and find your way back to a life of love and peace again
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thank you very much for taking the time to read
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oh wow.wow.again.
Thats deep and dark and very very well written. -
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thanks glad you liked it
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full of strong emotions of the realitys of the way some people accept hurt within there relationship not knowing that it is a type of control and abuse
Their expressions plastered,
an illusion of hope,
he still held her close- as she clawed. thank you for sharing your poem with the group take care maralisa
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strong and passionate. I have mixed feelings about this poem. It is probably becasue it is a different and unique approach to the theame that I was not expecting. i like the way the love is felt but not returned and the sinister ending in which you left your story.
I feel that you could make this even better by picking out all the references to the husbands love e.g.
'His heart displayed affection''he still loved her''he still held her close''His heart tore through pity and strife,A face stretched- beyond a well rehearsed smile.''before he came home.' and then contrast with her response in a cold refractive way.
however this is really good well done.
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Strongly expressed this really hits a spot in the heart, though I had to highlight it to read it which I normally do not like doing, I find this well worth it
Best of luck
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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this was muderous great poem and my opinion only i thin you did a very great job this was a pleasure to read thanks for sharing
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yikes. bringing in the perspective of the children really added another layer to this piece.
thanks for entering. -
Just a quick comment to say thanks for entering this into my contest, sorry you didnt win but obviously there can only be three trophies given, which is a shame cause in this contest there deserved to be alot more winners! xxx
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thank you very much for your comment... i didnt think i was that good but thanks anyway
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This is sad! Thanks for entering! x
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this is really sad...
but
iloveit.
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Jesus i would be lying if i said this wasn’t brilliant.
Probably one of the best I’ve read in like forever...my god i found the lines of this one just to be so full of emotion just in their on idavidual way...
Excellent Job!!!
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