I've stood taller than small,
Swam a paddling pool,
Ran farther than all,
I'm less warm than cool,
This is my outer reflection,
Now do I sense make?,
Can you stand under me?
Life's like cake,
The cake is sundered, see?,
That's your outer reflection,
Our lives are led backwards,
Having babies too young,
Singing are the Blackbirds,
Teens are getting too strung,
This is their outer reflection,
The world grows weaker,
It's past has been wrecked,
The future is bleeker,
It's the inhabitants' neglect,
That's the overall outer reflection.
A contest entry
- POEM NOT FOUND (404) error error error (prewrites allowed) by Alex Hex.
300 points, ended May 19, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - This Is Your Prompt by 2lullabyhaven.
450 points, ended May 27, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
i purposely put bad grammer in to enhance the theme: life! (which isn't all that)
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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pondering ripples
nice.. i liked the flow of the piece... and i really like the theme
hmm made me think and wonder what of the other layers or levels and if there is candles..
(First thoughts : XD lifecake! and what of the candles have they all blown out or have they made their way as apart of the cake? all melted and what not? in a reflection would i see humanity? a or human of some sort? then once one realizes there is more would they strive to see beyond themselves and surroundings or would they stay entranced forever in their reflection's gaze?
"This is their outer reflection," their being teens or humans? life of living backwards? Reminds me of ' life must be lived backwards but understood forwards'? of the people i do not but i took a swim.. dived in complex depths came back wet with depth and of parts of world and jested life and lived simply till the next dive...)
in short.... it got me thinkin and itchin to write ( havent written in a while)
i liked it and really really liked the theme..
@.@ ^_^ k see ya (goes off to read ur other pieces)
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wow... that is so cool!
i love your style here, that blew me away.. everything here is just emphasis.. im amazed once again by you! i love the idea and theme of this poem, that is so true! you have a way with words... dont you ever stop writing!!!
wow
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LOL!
i like the comment you gave very open, thanks for the love...i tried mixing my rhyme style with another experimantal style here, and i think i can safely say it worked...LOL!!!
domz -
Nah I Am Hooked!!!
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hahaha this is kind of eeky. thanks for your entry and good luck eek lol
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wow i like
i love it its interesting thanx for da comments and yeah that really did happen crazy huh?
Rose COld Murder
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Having babies too young.. i can honestly say i can relate to this, pregnancy puts so much strain on a relationship and really puts it to the test.. and its difficult to see if you both can make it through
'Teens are getting too strung' could really relate to this line also
nice job...xxx
good luck in the contest
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