Saline slipstreams,
fall in rivulets
across my cheeks.
They run like verbs,
because they are
the ink of the soul,
but it flows clear
as it washes out
the darkness,
A cleansing
from within.
Our bodies are made up
of mostly water,
it can't help but escape,
when the pressures
of life leak free,
as precious droplets
of emotion finger-paint
our face.
Tears have moved men
to stop war,
aid the hungry,
comfort the sick,
and to look deep into
their own souls.
There is no shame in crying,
only apathy in not weeping.
The world is full of sorrows
one would think the masses
would be dissolving in tears,
and perhaps they are,
in the wee hours of mourn.
Perhaps it's raining tears
even as we dream.
perhaps not,
but let them flow,
because if they are left,
bottled up inside,
one can drown
in their own despair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Artis
Author notes
'Tears are the words that the heart can't say'
A contest entry
- Semi Quickie Tears Are Words That The Heart Can't Say by Folklor.
525 points, ended May 21, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Brilliant!!!
Congratulations on winning the Golden Chalice!!! peace, Cyn
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this is beautiful. <3
stay sick.
xx Sin -
Good poetry
Very nice piece , uplifting the spirit to a pleasant high. honest, and is absolutely well done. such a gift you have. There was no error. No typos. Nothing to change. I look forward to your next write
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I love the word usage in this poetry
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I loved the background and the write all together. This has great emotion. thanks for hsaring and I will try to read more from you.
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What a bang
What better images to conjure up a torrent of emotions like "saline slipstreams" ... "running like verbs" for a contest like this. Your style's got an unteachable edge. And then the mention of escape had me envisioning falsely accused criminals of an inter-alien race of tiny water people (have you ever seen Futurama?) bending around silly prison bars that work only hand in hand with the honor system. (yes, it's a stretch. but it made my day) And the rest slid into home like a sharp cleat. Very deserving messages too true to ever be called out. Awesome poetry!
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'Saline slipstreams,
fall in rivulets
across my cheeks.'
What a beginning! alliteration (sibilance is straight away drawing me into the poem. you 'S' sounds when utttered sound like ruching water so fantastic choice. and '
falling in rivulats' I applaud your rich language and depth of description.
'They run like verbs,
because they are
the ink of the soul,'
well written you have used the written prompt to your advantage and have created silent words inking and staining your face. bravo!
'flows clear
as it washes out
the darkness,
A cleansing
from within.' the imagery of colour here is outstanding! black and white, good and evil, great balance. and the emotional clensing from within washing away the bad.
great scientific knowledge mixed in when you describe the body is mostly water and the way you build up two juxtaposing words in the same scentance. 'when the pressures, of life leak free,
as precious droplets'
(pressures, contrasting with leaking free.)
and your imagery precious droplets of emotion. perfect!
and the way you add a power to tears in the positive side of crying instead of focussing on the depressing negative.'Tears have moved men
to stop war,'
'one would think the masses
would be dissolving in tears,
and perhaps they are,
in the wee hours of mourn.'
I thought your word play was very clever and creative here. the masses dissolving in tears in the wee hours of MOURN! meaning sadness but representing the sound of morning. well done!
'Perhaps it's raining tears
even as we dream.
perhaps not,
but let them flow,
because if they are left,
bottled up inside,
one can drown
in their own despair.'
last verse was amasing picking out your small asides to yourself 'perhaps not' adds a little break in the intensity of the poem.
I like the way you siuggest that tears fall even when dreaming.
and the fact that tears should flow otherwise your left 'drowning' in your own despair.
THIS WAS A FANTASTIC WRITE IN EVERY WAY! WELL DONE!! -
Loved this
Words written with wisdom...beautifully sad but truth
There is no shame in crying,
only apathy in not weeping.
The world is full of sorrows
one would think the masses
would be dissolving in tears,
and perhaps they are,
in the wee hours of mourn.
Perhaps it's raining tears
even as we dream.
perhaps not,
but let them flow,
because if they are left,
bottled up inside,
one can drown
in their own despair.
hugs
~lisa~
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