The Beginning of Self-Doubt

gym-class fancies
relying on their touch
following with kindness and
undeserved admiration
as we went about
the neutralities

triangle legs..
i ask them why they
stay the same

running away from me..
i follow like a wilted flower
asking for the sun

gym-class fancies
talking in the corners

out of desperation
asking for a little mercy
a little of the kindness
i'd reciprocate

i ranked so low...
so low, low so high
the precious girl with
four eyes and brown flyaway's
the beginning of self-doubt

growing under the system
babes yearning to grow grow
grow and become
big girls and boys
a blur of tension

somewhat lessened
with age.

but it seems i still remember
those gym-class fancies
and they--

they have moved on.

Author notes

Haha.. junior high. My straight cut hair and goofy glasses. A quiet mouse with blue braces. What fond memories.

I barely remember anything from those days. I only remember events I would like to forget. Being abandoned by my friends probably had the most impact on me. I really hated myself back then, because of them.

But I'm not mad at those girls anymore. Middle school was a hard time for everyone. I just wish they knew how it affected me.