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Breathe, a Land in Wait

Stiff and stark the sunlights rays fall harshly on the plane
Drying out and baking hard a land devoid of rain.
Cracked and dry with crusty bark a tree so nearly dead
Makes shelter there for those who hide from sunshine overhead.

Wild and calm the silver trunk alone is tall and strong.
From its single noble form hang branches, twisted, long.
Like many on the dusted tree, a leaf remains in wait,
Patiently and not with haste, near death in dormant state.

Atop the rusty coloured dunes there drums a bellowed roar,
And comes the rain the desert breathes, for life it will restore.
The tree is witness to a storm, rolling, tall and proud.
The cool of rain, brawling clouds and thunder, strong and loud.

Darkness falls on all the land the storm will now ensconce,
A yearly dose of rain to fall, this day and all at once.
Reward for those which lasted out the driest time of year
Falls the needed, unimpeded, water clean and clear.

Then the storm retreats away and slinks into the night.
The tree returns from dormant state to see the joyful sight.
With streams aflame in rushing flood the land is born again,
And so the leaves will breath with life. Caressing summer rain.




Author notes

This poem is written in iambic septameter
(de dum) x 7

A contest entry

Critical comments welcome [Reward: double points]

    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Jade Allgood
    September 20
    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this poem, being and Aussie, I love poetry that celebrates harsh land in the most beautiful way possible. Your style is very easy to follow and it kind of reminds me of Kendall. One question though - line 3, is that supposed to be 'a tree' or 'are trees'? Loved it, and look forward to reading more of your work!

    . Rewarded 6


  • Jesaan gold member
    September 13

    Edit | Reply
    Great imagery!! Really enjoyed the poem
    Your background
    colour enhances it also ..."Atop the rusty coloured dunes"....also the overall dryness of the arid land.

    . Rewarded 4

  • x26ss
    September 4
    Edit | Reply

    great imagery,

    took me back to my backpacking dayz in AUS. thanks, only critique I have is your grammer.

  • woooohooooo! congrats on the bronze.
    yeah, you sure gave me a dose of images. lol! i was laughing so much when you sent me that message.
    i really liked these two lines:
    "Like many on the dusted tree, a leaf remains in wait,"

    "Reward for those which lasted out the driest time of year"


    appropriate title, you stuck to the meter which flowed effortlessly, and you gave us a short story too. yay!

    . Rewarded 8


  • breedluv silver member
    May 16
    Edit | Reply
    The meter in this piece is perfect, the rhyme sublime. Congrats on the well-deserved prize!

  • Congratulations on your bronze in our contest. I loved your take on the prompt Summertime, it was so different and gave an insight into how difficult life must be without water. A beautiful poem and a joy to read.
    All the best...Sue

    I look forward to more from you in future contests

  • I always expect the best from you, and so often you deliver. The first line of the second stanza reads a trifle awkwardly for me but this is a masterful summer poem.
    Great entry, keep them up!!!

1 - 7 of 7