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costume mermaids

Missing image

S

such a

lovely place to

call home, yet lingering

inside liquid glass walls, hoping

for my

freedom. alas,

searching fingers gather

my fancy fins. throughout ripples

of dance,

my journey will

bring new adventures on

currents never before sailed, and

creekbeds

turn into streams.

river's conform from cold

babbling brooks as filtering gills

caress

natures' passion.

the tiny hands which took

me from the small sea of costume

mermaids,

beckons master

poseidon, the most wise

creature to see the ocean's depths.

placing

me upon tides

of foamy cresting waves,

my spirit's now amongst sacred

promise.

swim my little

angelfish, seek out your

future in the dreams you call, the

abyss

S

Author notes

This is the second "Big Dog" contest the first was held in 2007

 

Prompt:

 

Rivers

 

This is a poem/story about a little girl who sees an angelfish,

and she thinks the fish is desperate to make new adventures outside of this small aquarium -

 

Letters are all lower-case on purpose for presentation and format style -

 

Picture Credit:

 

www.cascadekoi.com/Tropical/Filtration.aspx

www.cascadekoi.com

 

Form:

 

A

 

Cinquain Swirl

 

Syllable count:

 

2-4-6-8-2-4-6-8-2-4-6-8-2-4-6-8-2-4-6-8-2-4-6-8-2-4-6-8-2-4-6-8-2

 

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 36 of 36

  • Paloszoo gold member
    June 28

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, my brother, this is one of my favs. So magnificent, as all your works are, but you didn't read my rules. You needed to enter a silver winning piece in this contest Drats. Thanks for entering my contest and showing your work here. It's an honor to read it


    • Arkbear gold member
      June 28
      Edit | Reply
      Bear runs around in circles yelling.."Brain Fart!"

      Hehe....sorry about that Kim.....guess I can't read rules properly.....OY!


  • AllexisReed
    June 11
    Edit | Reply
    This is such a beautiful and inspiring poem. Very imaginative.


    • Arkbear gold member
      June 11
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you my friend....blessings to you today

      Bear ~


  • celticfairy
    May 28

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write,....just lovely,thank you for sharing
    and btw...thank you so much for your generosity with the points u gave me.....still figuring out this site....and how it all works ....lol...thank you for the gift...god bless


  • Mistress Leala silver member
    May 9
    Edit | Reply
    Well, done, hun. Loved the imagery and flow. Very enlightening.


  • hollowriver
    May 8
    Edit | Reply
    simply beautifully written
    flows with grace
    weaves a story as well
    bravo


  • CollegeQueer
    January 26
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful job, I'm in love with your writing!


  • Heroesrox
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome write. You seem to have a talent with the oen! I plan on reading more of your work, real soon!

    Thanks for the share!


  • Gwenevere
    October 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This lovely poem set me to thinking about all the creatures we keep in captivity.Not just fish but all creatures.Should we not allow them to find their own destiny as we ourselves desire.Much more than a poem are your words my friend.Well done, Ros


    • Arkbear gold member
      November 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hi Ros

      Saw your name there.....wanted to drop in and say God bless you

      Bear ~


  • Kevin Moderators member
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    lovely

    perhaps another line break between each stanza to separate them more?

    I hope we can all find such an escape from our small words, into larger ones :

    • Arkbear gold member
      September 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Well, if I seperate them, then it becomes a Cinquain Chain......as seen in the link provided........as it stands, it is a Cinquain Swirl ~

      http://allpoetry.com/poem/4478519

      Thanks Kevin for dropping by......God bless,

      Bear ~


  • Shadow Lynx
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow such a terrific flow i didnt want it to end. What a journey this takes one on. Your descriptions are a delight on the mind. Exquisite in its presentation and shows the extent of talent you possess. Atruly remarkable read


  • sheltered
    August 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This seems like a personified metaphor to me
    but maybe it's just fish? Lofty elegance.


  • nature mithya
    July 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    This form is a masterpiece for me.

    Yes you have placed words in a flow so well constructed to form along with beauty in meaning and flow to resonate that I am deeply impressed.
    It is only realization of our unquestioned end that makes us see beauty.
    Only as we grow old do we become conscious of Life's charm.

  • Gwenevere
    June 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A very lovely poem.I often wonder at the thoughts of fish that are trapped inside an Aquarium.For me they deserve freedom as we all do, Ros


  • luckynsincere
    June 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It is this way that your pen seems to control not only the reader but this entire page! This way.. this style that you own, is exactly what brought me to loving your work! Marvelous writing my dearest of friends~~~~

    Love,
    Mel


  • faithwhisperer silver member
    June 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love this form, Bear, and your images...you used "anglefish" towards end. Did you mean angelfish, or was that what you intended? Wasn't sure with your notes....very inspiring write!!! Love it! joy


  • just weak hands
    May 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    love how descriptive u were and the imagery! excellent write- absolutely adored it


  • Gwenevere
    May 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love this one.So jam packed with imagery.Like the fish, you swim in very smooth waters, Ros

  • Michael P gold member
    May 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful poem.I loved the format it works well with the theme and the greaqt flow of words that like the stream cause no hesitations. Yes, wonderful poem.


  • Sprite silver member
    May 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such a beautiful poem. I love the phrases "liquid glass walls, "ripples of dance," and "sea of costume mermaids." You have shown me the ocean in a different light/. Very well depicted, from the "foamy crest of waves" to the "ocean's depths." This is a whimsy that feels so real.
    ~ Joyce


  • kvwriter silver member
    May 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful and speaks to me of reaching our dreams. You did a wonderful job on this. I'm very impressed! And, I'm anxious to read more!

    God bless you, Bear, for all you are and everything you do.
    Love,
    Kelly

  • aaaaaaaa
    May 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is really good Bear. It seems very polished and professional.

  • celadia
    May 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the little fish in your poem, he 's like the little train that could but he's a much more likable being. I could feel him being freed at the end, it was beautiful.


  • Patpowers silver member
    May 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I am a person who loves the water Arkbear and you did a splendid job of imagery and color with this. Well done as always Arkbear!!!


  • Nevel
    May 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such a sublime personification I nearly can catch it in this vivid write. The flow through your Swirl is really beautiful. With well-choosen words it breathes a kind of purity and innocience. Wonderful done!

    • Arkbear gold member
      May 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Hey Nev ~

      It is so nice to see you stop by......always great to hear what you have to say,

      ....God bless you always,

      Bear ~


  • aboomer silver member
    May 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved this title!, so had to come read this. It's beautiful! Love your wonderful wording to go with this 'form' - which is very eye-catching. And I loved the words 'liquid glass walls' to describe the aquarium walls - I would imagine, to a fish, that's what they would look like. Love your images and feeling in this write.
    Beautiful write!!


  • islekine gold member
    May 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    super write....

    And beautiful form...didn't count...lol..
    Painted a lovely picture..
    Ahhhhh...I have soooooo far to go!
    Thanks for another wonderful example...
    Write on!
    *PEACE*

    • Arkbear gold member
      May 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Julie :)

      Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by

      ....and counting is half the fun....it makes the Poem owner shake, hoping you don't catch anything wrong....

      Thanks Julie,

      ...God bless you my Friend,

      Bear ~


  • Kari gold member
    May 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hey

    This was incredible. I totally love your words in this piece and imagery.
    Totally fantastic job!


    Kari


    • Arkbear gold member
      May 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Kari ~

      It is so nice to see you stop by

      Thank you for such a sweet review,

      ....God bless you always,

      Bear ~

1 - 36 of 36