Oh how summer keeps you looking young
No longer my lover still somebody's son
I was always beautiful at looking good
Your secrets could destroy and I knew they would
Innocent love at its best, something pure
For lovers like these, there is never a cure
Sidestepping reality, with narrow a chance
To transform this into a brilliant dance
Guitar strings and vocal chords leave you locked in place
It's me on your radio, the fact you can't face
Stranger, you sit with tear stains and tissues
holding your broken heart and a love you outgrew.
Author notes
name-ali34
the story- i had a fascination with the fact that one day you could be someone's lover and best friend and the next you could not even know them at all.
A contest entry
- To Start Things Off... by Simply Simple.
300 points, ended July 2, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I think this one needed another comment! It's a good piece, I believe. ^.^
The rhyme overall wasn't bad; you had to improvise a little on the first and last couplets there...which is okay; you didn't botch it up, in fact far from it. The second part was an interesting use of description...beautiful at looking good...makes you think a bit. Overall...I think that I'd add a few commas here and there or rephrase a few lines, by personal preference, but this poem had decent flow. Which is cool!
The concept? Excellent. The idea of how people's very personalities and facets of their being, under the right circumstances, can change in the blink of an eye is certainly poetic material, and you've certainly expanded on that thought.
Awesome effort you put forth here! Great work - keep writing!
--Flare
o}--{=======>
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Interesting. I like the concept. I am kinda on the fence with this one... The rhyme was a bit rudimentary, but... I'll give you a chance. I'll see what you can do. There were some great lines here. So... We'll see. Good luck and thanks for entering.
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