her gnarled hands folded
she sits staring out window
subtle hint of smile
chasing butterflies and boys
at a summer church picnic
Author notes
Painting by Vincent Van Gogh —"Old Woman of Arles" — 1888
Tanka is a classic form of Japanese poetry related to the haiku with five unrhymed lines of five, seven, five, seven, and seven syllables. (5, 7, 5, 7, 7)
In a list
A contest entry
- Tanka Time by Samplette.
600 points, ended May 13, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - (= Prewrites!!!!! ENTER NOW!!!!!!!!! =) by xCandieKissesx.
525 points, ended May 19, 2008, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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The feel was well captured, you made good use of your words and descriptions, and your images were well done, great write!
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Yeah!
Age old memories do no die. They are relived countless times in the aged. Haiku, you nailed the image.
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Congrats!
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Bandits Auction #7
The painting is beautiful and your poem fits with it very well.
This is a "small slice of life", just a moment in someone's life, but you painted the scene beautifully with only a few words. I wish I could do that as well.
Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!
All the best,
Annie
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Bandit Auction #7
This is a beautiful poem of reminiscence ... I really like the atmosphere that you have crafted with so few words - and I always think that you are amazing at these short forms!
Keep writing
Polly
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Bandit Uaction 7
I liked this poem. When people grow old, we forget that they were once young too. Those memories are nothing but memories now. -
She does look very much as you have described her,
dreaming her way through another long day,
dependant on activity beyond her window. lovely
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BANDITS AUCTION # 7
I always admire those who can create wonderful images within the confines of Japanese poetry. I find it incredibly difficult! I must be far too wordy (not to be mistaken for worldly, which I'm not either!) for this disciplined form.
Nonetheless, here is your exquisite piece, painting into words this lovely work of art for us all to enjoy twofold.
Bravo and well done.
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BANDITS AUCTION # 7
Very fine Tanka! Good PIC at the top -- good subject -- imaginative, too~ Good work, my friend!
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Cool. I like the imagery and flow. It really made the poem pop! Thanks for entering and good luck!
+ Jackie -
SO VERY SWEET
I can see so much in her beautiful eyes...a remembering of days gone by and her youth playing across her heart as a little smile crosses her lips...winner wrote all over it niaish my brother for sharing with me
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This made me smile, she looks like she is daydreaming
and in few words you give so much imagery of her elderly age and in contrast of her youth...a delightful poem
Much love ~Sis
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I could feel this write, and see it vividly. The only thing is I count four syllables in the first line...you have time before last judging to fix if you choose. Thank you for entering.
Sam
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This is such a famous painting you have used here - enjoyed the tanka you wrote to accompany this as well.
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Oh, this is a beautiful haiku. The images set for the in the beginning are great, and the contemplation of her youth out there running around is so sweet.
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