I've got a whole world
sitting in the booth across from me...
for once,
I'm perfectly content to
shut up and listen
if it means your voice will
fill the silences
that I'm leaving
after a brief interlude
(Introduction of the Waitress);
I return to being
blissfully
uterly stunned
by you;
the way your bangs fall into your eyes,
the way your fingertips graze the edge of your plate...
it's all I can do
not to lean over the table
and capture your strawberry-wine lips in mine
your'e fifteen
and you're beautiful
...
Author notes
I read the rules.
'Strawberry wine' & last two lines refer to the Ringo Starr song 'You're Sixteen.'
A contest entry
- Pic Prompt Yay!! COME SEE!!! by BeautifullyBroken42.
450 points, ended September 8, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Feedback?
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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wow this is a beautiful piece. I love the discription and use of words. It flows and intrigues all the way thru. Well done!
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Very good. Lots of emotion and very descriptive. Great job!
Good luck in the contest! -
ahhhhh reminds me of the good old days.
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Hmmm... I liked this moment in time... Very descriptive.... Very emotional also... I like that feel..
Though the flow was very prose like, and very without flow --- I like how it pulled your eyes down the page.
I liked the description, though some of the lines were awkward, like "I've got a whole world/sitting in the booth across from me..." how you started out.. It just didn't seem right... I don't know though
Very wonderfully done, however
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Very nice.
This is very sweet,
honestly the best I've read
all night.
Very well done.
..Simply Me♥ -
I like it. ^^ It's made a good impression on me.
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this was good..deep emotion..
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very well penned. the imagery, especially, was excellent.
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The title pulls this all together in a wonderful poetic story context. The use of commentary and the beautiful and simple images all capture a heartfelt poem. Wonderfully executed.
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Thanks very much. =]
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majorly awesome write, that was a lot of fun to read and it was excellently put together. I hope to keep reading more and seeing writes like this keep coming up in your poetry. Peace n' Love, JT
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Beautiful!!!
So much said in so few words...
A moment in time, memory & emotion brought to crystal clarity in eloquent verse...
A great piece you have here...
Well done!!!
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Wow... =] This brings me back memories of something I first felt along time ago. Something I've been seeking for along time.
It's too bad, after the initial rush so many complications seem to get in the way.
I wish it could stay as you described forever....
& I could just get lost in the act of wanting someone.
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awwww!!! thats so cute!
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this is really sweet.
&& totally amazing.
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this is a good write. I have totally been there recently, except the person was like 38. But beautiful write!!
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very sweet write. i can feel how amazed you are at every little thing about them. its a lovely feeling to know and i think u did a good job of capturing it.
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