Acidic tones soared across broken words;
dark stutters of lime shaped apologies,
your voice was a nightmare disguised with silk
as it tore up wild excuses then squeezed
with sultry tones of the warrior's song.
There were no citrus tears to save me now,
no gentle smile to soothe the wrath given,
as you twisted the pith of my language
I devoured scents of imperfection,
the death of true love had been by my hand.
Guilt's manufactured paper thin reason
burst into flames while heartache erupted,
perhaps, if I could reverse time's dank flow,
I would not travel through her wanton caves,
it was too late for I'd succumbed to lust.
And as the shivers of the present run
down the past's cold features, I accept all
the anger with my head bent low in shame,
adultery's steel visions captured me,
there are no promises to make it right.
In a list
Comments
1 - 64 of 64
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this is a really good poem and all...it doesn't rhyme! I will say that I did enjoy reading it but come on do you not know how to follow the rules? This is a good write.
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afraid to comment too much, I may say something wrong~so I'll simply say...nice write
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The way you put to many words together like that is beautiful, as with how you made them flow.
It's the kind of writeing I strive for, and I have the words in my head I just often turn to simpler words rather because it's easier.
Very well done, and it expresses the situation with intensity. Thank you for this lovely write.
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wow, this is so powerful. It made me think about lust and infidelity in a different way. I love the use of citrus and lime, gave it that extra sting, pun intended
, this is an amazing poem that should be read by many many people.
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This was very well writing. I am so envious of your writing talent. Your work is so intricate and true to society, it's worthy of awards. This poem especially should receive some kind of award. Fantastic write.
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I love this, the form is fawless, i think it's almost to poetic, it's like the emotions are suger coated, i guess what i'm saying is after reading i'm so impress with the poem that the pain of love lost is an after thought.
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"...I accept all" this totally did it for moi
lol
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Wow this was something to I liked that last stanza
awesome poetry indeed
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Amazing!
That was very well done! I'm doing a sort of "cosplay" for a convention.. could I use your poem in a journal I'm making? -
Well written
Your write takes me into dark shame, guilt and regret as with good writes it causes me to feel and you express these emotions so beautifully. Thank you for sharing I am looking forward to reading more of your work.
. Rewarded 4
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darkly beautiful
so many good things in this piece you really create an intense atmosphere my favourite couplet was:Guilt's manufactured paper thin reason
burst into flames while heartache erupted,but loved all the other references to citrus fruit and dark caverns of the mind.
. Rewarded 6
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good write
it's difficult to see how this could not have been writting by someone who had not been through - and been the initiator of - the hopelessly mangeled emotional wreckage that is the beginning, result and ultimate legacy of this act. Good write - fills reader with understanding of writer's guilt.
. Rewarded 6
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Destruction.
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This poem is very well written. It's filled with lots of imagery and desripitve words! Great job!
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love this especially "guilt's manufactured paper thin reason"...captures the feelings on adultry-not that I am an expert.lol...exceptional language-excellent piece.
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Ahhhh but I do love this. I can't high light a single line that I liked more than the rest as I liked them all. The flow is wonderful and leds the reader through each passage. The imagery is creativity at it's finest. The emotions raw and rough around the edges making this read particularly real. Bravo.....as for the question posed in your author notes, perhaps people see something of themsleves in poems they assume are personally written?? Just a guess.
. Rewarded 8
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It's a compliment....means we believe ya!
How could anyone write without knowing....the how...
loved your poem...and ouch ouch ouch, the painful
aching lessons of the heart, soul, and flesh.
LIke that cute little naughtly boy spark I see in the
eyes of Bruce Willis even though he is not as young
as once was....well done poet! you wrote this brillantly!
ears/SEattle
. Rewarded 6
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Excellent
A most unusual write. Very well written, indeed. Strangely enough most of my poetry reflects my belief systems, somewhat of my personal life and my life experience. I think this is what gives poetry authenticity. However, none the less, this was a very good write.
. Rewarded 6
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You're a very talented writer. This truly captures ones attention and draws the reader in. Kudos for a great write! I too have been misinterpreted. When I wrote a poem on abuse, alot of readers thought it was written from personal experience. I guess a person should put in the notes if it was from personal experience or a thought of empathy. Thanks for sharing
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wow
i really do like this poem. it not only tells a story but paints a picture of all these things happening in my head...
. Rewarded 4
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I like the somewhat cryptic feel from the choice of words.... You surely have a style your own, And it makes for a thought provoking read... as for you note, I think every piece of art has something of the author/creator in it. Whether it be obvious or hidden.. every story is the author, in some way...
. Rewarded 6
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Adultery is a bad choice because it seems that nothing long-lasting that is good can ever be the result. At some point wretchedness reigns, and your excellent poem says that very thing in many finely written ways. Reminds me of things Shakespeare wrote about adultery.
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Stunned by the brilliance of this poem
"Your voice was a nightmare disguised with silk." Yes, and every line is exactly right, I imagine, in describing adultery. Your poem is amazing with the images you present so well. BRAVO!
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Guilt's manufactured paper thin reason
burst into flames while heartache erupted,
perhaps, if I could reverse time's dank flow,
I would not travel through her wanton caves,
it was too late for I'd succumbed to lust.
My favorite stanza in your poem... this writing is truly brilliant. The wanton caves... and the line about bursting into flames... fabulous images.
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The dishonesty of adultery is vividly portrayed here and is penned with deep feelings and images. Wonderful writing and beautifully said, good Poet.
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well I see you had this poem posted for two days so I thought I would stop and read. you are right all the promises in the world don't make it right. it can ruin people. I am glad you wrote this and featured it. keep writing. mj
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amazing depiction, you describe it so vividly. the wording is the best i've seen yet. wonderful job, i tink im gonna add this poem as a bookmark! and you as a fave, this is freakin awesome! great job, keep it up.
. Rewarded 4
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wow factor / vivid imagery!
i think the reason they imply it is personal, to be a compliment. it means that you expressed it so very clearly that for certain it must have been you!
awesome write! such vivid imagery! i especially like "lime shaped apologies." just something about that part that gets me. maybe it is the green, maybe it is implying something about drinking. i don't know, it just grabbed me!? you are quite talented and i look forward to reading more of you.
blessings.
m.
. Rewarded 8
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I don't know why they assume but I guess everyone likes to read of others foibles rather than their own! lol...Nevertheless, these pieces of adultery and cheating have to be felt by someone who has experienced them somewhere along the path and I can feel this one in spades, but I am going to dig another hole and rebury it again...only deeper! Love, C
. Rewarded 6
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The Scarlet "A" worn on your chest will dissolve into pink, then fade...
What is done is done and it is impossible to change what is done. Forgiveness waits in the wings but forgetting makes a grand performance that is worth remembering. There is no easy out when "adultery" has its way. This is a penetrating work of word-play. I do hope that this is fictional and guilt & shame does not suffocate.
I am sure you are aware of your mastery. This work is no exception to your usual rule of thumb. Excellent!
Much Love Always ♥
Renee
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Sir,
another fully packed piece. the length is just right and your words - its transitioning thoughts are always exceptional (above par usage of figurative language).
The last line - wow!
keep sharing your gift.
HENSLEY
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Well said...
The insanity of adultery is well fashioned in this fine poem.
No thrill is worth the agony of guilt and betrayal and there would be no escaping it for it would hang around one's neck like a terrible weight. Beautifully penned, dear Sir.
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Poignant
This is a brutally honest and poignant write where 20:20 hindsight becomes the grim reaper of guilt. This certainly speaks volumes about the writer and their realization of cause and effect of choices and consequences. The up side is that we learn through the choices we make, calling them mistakes is a semantic process, learning from them is growth. Anything is forgiveable; that doesn't mean the record is wiped clean or that this is all forgotten, it just allows us to grow to all that we can be and make better choices.
I love poetry that leaves me pondering long after the read. Thanks for this.
. Rewarded 8
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guilt is a smelly load over your chest. it could literary make you not able to breathe. I swear a while ago I couldnt go through 1 day without using my inhaler at least once. it's been months now and I havent used it not once. its because I was guilty and i kept denying it. But i admitted and promised to do better, i promised to fix myself and my behaviour. Your obviously deeply connected to yourself and within you, you know what needs to be done. Free your ego (heart) of your alter-ego (indecisive mind). and I wish you the best with all my heart.
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This is a great poem, I especially loved the imagery like, "dark stutters of lime shaped apologies" and "were no citrus tears to save me."
While those were great lines of imagery, my favorite ones are,
"your voice was a nightmare disguised with silk
as it tore up wild excuses then squeezed
with sultry tones of the warrior's song."
I liked them because I've been in a situation where the person I liked had an amazing voice, but sometimes the things they'd say would make me upset or angry... I don't know how to describe it, but these lines come very close -
Great write
I know about what you write. When I was 18 I got involved with a married woman nearly broke a family apart. I felt so ashamed because I wasn't stronger to walk away. I'll never do that again.
. Rewarded 4
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We are human and being so, we are vulnerable to making experiences. You have expressed your views with honesty and openness. The visuals your words provided were so real. I hope you find the peace within yourself.
Best wishes always,
Soulful Woman
. Rewarded 4
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"Guilt's manufactured paper thin reason
burst into flames while heartache erupted"
This is so beautiful!
Just WOW
Beautiful.
Keep writing,
Shelly
. Rewarded 4
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There are so many good lines in this one, it is spectacular! Visions of guilt's paper thin reason bursting into flames is well imagined. You could truthfully turn the yellow pages into poetry...
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well done
Flows nicely. Great imagery. I especially like "citrus tears" and "time's dank flow". One minor suggestion: to me the meaning flows better if the third stanza, last line starts off with "but".
. Rewarded 4
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Guilt of having betrayed monogamous love, eh? Excellent write. I can relate to this, having been a scoundrel once or twice myself. Is lust so hard to resist? absolutely. Selfish sex is sometimes the best, though it can hurt the worst, both the self and those who cling to it. I really dig this. Another excellent work.
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Lovely write, dark and captivating. Excellent imagery and verbiage and wonderful metaphors. Enjoyed it, hugs, Bunny
. Rewarded 4
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A great poem well writtne and deep. Great metaphores as well, and the flow of it was excelent. Well done
. Rewarded 4
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Cool piece
I like the nightmare metaphore in l.most- perhaps it's just a detail, but someone's voice as a (disguised) nightmare is a fine idea that determines the whole poem because it's right in the beginning. Apart from that, I'm with Dreamana. Cheers, Götz
. Rewarded 4
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WOW SO DARK WITH WONDERFUL METAPHOR GOOD STUFF I REALLY LIKED THIS- MOST LIKED THE BIT ABOUT THE PAPER GOING UP IN FLAMES, THE TITLE IS GREAT TOO
. Rewarded 4
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A very powerful write...
Excellent use of langauge,I adore so much of this write...
It leaps from the page..
I will choose to save my own advice on the subject.
"there are no promises to make it right"
Perhaps not, but to forgive...smiles
Many blessings...
~A~
. Rewarded 6
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keep holding on and remember your not alone...a lot of people make mistakes like this, in the media today, all you see is the pleasure, you don't see the guilt and regret after. amazing write, you portrayed your emotions amazingly
peace, love, & cheese -
Making it right
In todays life adultery is almost a given. for most it is kinda... So what, life goes on. For very few , I think , there are regrets. Yet in this fine write the heart aches as It tells of the power of lust. Excellent
. Rewarded 4
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There is no hurt like that of having betrayed someones trust, only to dicover too late that you truly love them. Emotions are described here accuratly in minute detail. Excellent write.
"The lips of an adulterous woman drip with honey.
Her kiss is smoother than oil,
but in the end she is as bitter as wormwood,
as sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet descend to death.
Her steps lead straight to hell"
. Rewarded 4
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Wow, this is such an wasome piece, as far as imagery and flow goes. It was captivating, and brought my mind to think beyond its former boarders. The subject matter for this poem even fell into place here. iIt was an overall very nice piece. Nice work poet, keep it up.
XxTwigxX
. Rewarded 6
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Amazing write here, all the emotions combine in one combustion of too late attrition. Every stanza is as powerful as the one before but the sense of the lame dog backing off from the fury of the wounded wolf paints rich images in my mind.
'your voice was a nightmare disguised with silk
as it tore up wild excuses then squeezed
with sultry tones of the warrior's song.'
. Rewarded 8
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Ooo...a gripping write...love the language in this..a playground for the mouth and speech...very powered, charged with emotion. fantastic
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great imagery here with regret and sadness...love the "guilt manufactured paper thin reason" and the last stanza is brilliant...masterful.
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Stunning
I could pick phrases from every line as favorites but there's no need to. This is simply stunning in its' elegant eloquence and is most certainly one of my favorites here. Lovely and so well stated. Can I give you four claps instead of just three?
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taiinfinite
hell of a journey aint it and you made it a hell of a read. the twist with words is very very good. great write
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Great writing. The disgust one would treat a soul of living in adultery's vision is explored through the sense of touch, grasping to sooth wrath and extinguish hearts heated by wanton desire. The readers drawn into the rantings without forgiveness. Well done.
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"I would not travel through her wanton caves" -this line stood out the most to me in its excellence. maybe becauce as much as you tried to fight it, you still succumed to the cave. powerfully packed lines here!! the chill from those steel eyes are all over this.
*rianna
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Yes, that gut wrench steely feeling when words are just props and nothing more; well pennedlol
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BEAUTIFULLY SAD
your words speak of a truly broken heart...the wages of sin resting heavenly upon the soul...and no promise to make it right...the pictures you have painted upon your canvas of words break the heart
you are a powerful poet! thank you ...ian for sharing with me~
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