I heard what you said yesterday
When you complained to the therapist
saying that I was detiorating
I see it in your eyes today
when you ask me if I took
my afternoon medications
I feel it in the way
you hug me so lightly
like you think I'm made
of glass and gonna break
I smell it in your fear
rising off your breath
every time you leave me
even if it's just for a sec'
I know you don't quite know
how to deal or what to think
but listen I'm still the same girl
I was last year and even last week
It's just that now I have a label
But I'm not your daughter
the mentally ill schizophrenic
I'm still just your plain daughter
Who happens to have an illness
That's called schizophrenia
Author notes
I've been on AP for about two years
My name is Frostany
I'm 16
I come on several times a week when I'm not in the hospital
A contest entry
- sad confessions by ichigosama.
600 points, ended May 22, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The B**** is Back. by I-Am-Custard.
450 points, ended July 7, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Audition Round by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended May 14, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetic Idol (Auditions) by TwilightBloodRuns.
315 points, ended June 8, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I really like this poem, I can totally relate to everything your saying... I am also a schizophrenic. I know sometimes its very hard to put how you feel into words, but you did an excellent job. You should check out my poems and maybe you can relate...
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I know how you feel, been there a few times myself. I really enjoied how you expressed yourself in this piece... Beauitful.
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I know you're emotionally attached to this poem, but I'm going to have to be as cold as I can about it, because I did warn in the rules that I'd be brutally honest.
I like most of this, there's a candidness which is quite endearing. I didn't like at the end where you mentioned schizophrenia twice though... Up until then I was thinking it was something life threatening, and the harshness of that stanza hit me just a bit too hard. I can relate because I suffer with OCD, but I don't shove it in people's faces like that... so maybe you could talk about some of the worse symptoms instead? Like with me it's hand washing, so I'd say:
'But I'm not your daughter
With angry soap scored hands'
There was a sort of lack of poetic devices in there, I know it's freeverse, so you don't have rhyme and so on, but you can make it read more like a poem by using alliteration and things like that. That would mean literally changing one word every now and then and it would read so much better.
I can see real feeling behind this, and that can be a problem sometimes, because you write the way you think it rather than as the detached poet. If you ever think of revising this you might want to remember that.
Thank you for entering. -
this is a really good poem,
even though i don't have schizophrenia i still liked it alot keep up the writing!! -
nice. btw, I consider schizophrenia as a good and bad thing.
Good coz u can get away with things, but bad coz you have to hate urself. literally at times.
But all the same its an ok poem.
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ichigosama
it's very beautiful. fathers also need to understand that their own children that has whatever they has is still their daughter despite what they say. i'm still just your plain daughter who happens to have an illness that's called schizophrenia. great job and thanks for entering!!!!
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